Turtlebird Journal Publishing

Sometimes I Have to Tell Myself It's Just Not Worth the Jail Time

Kill Them with Kindness

Some People Just Suck the Fucking Nice Right out of You

I'm Just Going to Put an "Out of Order" Sticker on My Forehead and Call It a Day

Yeah. I Just Said That. Welcome to My Brain. You May Wanna Buckle up

Today I Hate My Job

I'm Always Forced to Do Shit I'm Not Qualified For. like Being Nice to Fucking Idiots

Zero Fucks Left

High Hopes

There Are Two Ways to Argue with a Woman. Neither Works.

You Are About to Exceed the Limits of My Medication

I Already Want to Take a Nap Tomorrow

My Dentist Told Me I Need a Crown. I Was like I Know, Right?

If Karma Doesn't Come Around and Hit You in the Face, I Will

I Eat Bitches like You for Breakfast

It's Not My Fault You Thought I Was Normal, That's on You

Thou Shall Not Try Me. Mood 24

My Secret Plan to Conquer the Universe

I Love the Smell of Freshly Brewed Coffee in the Morning. and I Love the Sound of No One Talking to Me While I Drink It

I Finally Quit Drinking for Good. Now I Drink for Evil

Can You Put Vodka in a Humidifier? Asking for a Friend

I Think My Guardian Angel Drinks

Please Do Not Disturb. I Am Disturbed Enough Already

Apology Accepted, Trust Denied.