Turtlebird Journal Publishing

I Got so Much Procrastination Done Today

Shock Me. Say Something Intelligent

Of Course I Talk to Myself. Sometimes I Need Expert Advice!

Fold Your Worries into Paper Planes & Turn Them into Flying Fucks

If I Wanted to Listen to an Asshole, I Would Fart

I Didn't Mean to Push All Your Buttons. I Was Just Looking for a Mute

Why Am I Still at This Shit Job

You Think I Give a Shit. How Cute

Burned the Fuck out

Fucking Killing It as Always

Life Begins at the End of Your Comfort Zone

I Wish I Never Took This Fucking Job

The Trash Gets Picked up Tomorrow. Be Ready

Crushing It

Track That Shit

If You Don't like Me Congratufuckinglations. I Don't Care

I Do Not Have Ducks. I Do Not Have a Row. I Have Squirrels, and They're at a Rave

My Plan for World Domination

This Is My Confession

Excuse Me Am I Actually Supposed to Give a Fuck Today?

I'm a Simple Person with a Complicated Mind

Step Aside Coffee This Is a Job for Alcohol

If I Ever Say "Do You Want Me to Be Honest?" Say No

The Early Bird Can Have the Worm Because Worms Are Gross and Mornings Are Stupid