Turtlebird Journal Publishing

I Do a Thing Called What I Want

I Don't Hold Grudges. I Remember Facts.

I'm Too Tired for This

Wipe Your Mouth, There's Still a Tiny Bit of Bullshit Around Your Lips

Let Me Know When You're Available so I Can Make Sure I'm Busy

I Said I Was Smart. I Never Said I Had My Shit Together

In Order to Insult Me I Must First Value Your Opinion. Nice Try Though.

Another Meeting

Woohoo! Another Meeting

I'm in a Good Place Right Now. Not Emotionally. I'm Just at the Liquor Store

I Am the Friend You Have to Explain to Your Other Friends Before They Meet Me

Fuck It

Awesome Things Will Happen Today If You Choose Not to Be a Miserable Cow

Today I'm Wearing a Lovely Shade of I Slept like Crap so Don't Piss Me off

I Love When People Can Handle My Smart Ass Mouth Without Getting Offended like a Little Bitch

I'm Sorry, Did I Offend You with My Common Sense?

I Meant to Behave but There Were Too Many Other Options

Two Wrongs Don't Make a Right. Take Your Parents for Example

One Day I'm Gonna Make Onions Cry

Who the Fuck Took My... Oh, Here It Is...

Marriage Tip #46

Best. Intern. Ever.

Sargasm

This "Killing Them with Kindness" Is Taking Way Longer Than I Expected