Snarky Is as Sarcastic Does Press

My Text Messages Would Make More Sense if There Was a Sarcasm Font.

I'm Quitting to Pursue My Dream of Not Working Here

I Really Feel Like I Have My Life Together When My Bra and Underwear Match.

If I Died and Went Straight to Hell It Would Take Me at Least a Week to Realize I Wasn't at Work Anymore.

I'm Not Fat I'm Easy to See

I Love Being Me. It Pisses Off All the Right People.

My Words Sound Better Coming From My Hands Than My Mouth

Manners

Wearing All Black Today to Mourn the Loss of My Motivation.

I Have Multiple Personalities and None of Them Like You.

I Get Through the Week by Reminding Myself I Can Always Quit

My Coworkers Are Stupid

You Look Like Something I Drew With My Left Hand

My Energy Level is Equal to a Sloth on Benzos

The Best Nicknames Are the Ones Other People Don't Know They Have

You Are as Helpful as a Hemorrhoid

Life is Too Short to Be Serious All the Time. If You Can't Laugh at Yourself, Call Me, I'll Laugh at You.

Can You See the "Fuck You" in My Smile?

You Are as Helpful as a Broken Crayon

I'd Slap You, but I Don't Want to Get Shit for Brains on My Hand.

My Job Provides Me With Health Insurance, Ulcers, Anxiety, and Depression.

If My Job Sucked Any Harder I'd Orgasm

Just Got a Booty Call From Life. Apparently It Wants to Keep Fucking Me.

I'm Not Fragile Like a Flower, I'm Fragile Like a Bomb.