174 books
Someone Offered Me Grapes but I Declined I'm Not Used to Consuming Wine in Pill Form
Sarcasm, Because Torturing People in Your Basement Is Frowned Upon
With My Luck I'll Probably Be Reincarnated as Me
Twinkle Twinkle Little Snitch Mind Your Business Nosy Bitch
The Human Body Has 7 Trillion Nerves and Some People Manage to get on Every Single Fucking One
Remember When I Asked for Your Opinion? Me Neither
Princess? No Honey I'm a Bitch
Your Lack of Swearing Makes Me Fucking Uncomfortable
Sometimes I Wish I Was an Octopus so I Could Slap Eight People at Once
Today's Good Mood Is Sponsored by Alcohol
You Talk So Much Shit I Don't Know Whether to Offer You a Breath Mint or Toilet Paper
We All Know Someone Who Speaks Fluent Shit
Sarcasm Isn't an Attitude It's an Art
Row Row Row Your Boat Gently the Fuck Away
True Friends Don't Judge Each Other They Judge Other People Together
When I Want Your Opinion I'll Remove the Duct Tape
Please Do Not Disturb I Am Disturbed Enough Already
Yes I Walked Away mid Conversation You Were Boring Me to Death and My Survival Instincts Kicked In
Sorry for the Mean Awful Accurate Things I Said
Please Read My Notes in a Sarcastic Tone for Full Effect
On Your Mark Get Set Go Fuck Yourself
Today's Forecast Blank Stares with a 99% Chance of Awkward
When You Get Angry Take a Breath and Count to 10 Punch When You Get to 8 Nobody Expects That
The Trash Gets Picked Up Tomorrow Be Ready