Snarky Is as Sarcastic Does Press

Doing a Good Job Here is Like Wetting Yourself While Wearing Dark Pants. You Get a Warm Feeling, but Nobody Else Notices

Today's Forecast

Hmmm, That's a Bit Too Harsh. Let Me Put "Lol" at the End of It.

If You Eat Well, Get Good Sleep, Exercise, and Drink Plenty of Water You'll Die Anyway.

Four Out of the Five Voices in My Head Think You're an Idiot. The Other One is Deciding Where to Bury You.

I Will Ignore You So Hard You Will Start to Doubt Your Existence.

I Take Super Hot Showers to Practice Burning in Hell.

You Demonstrate a Level of Incompetence I Haven't Seen Before

I'm in Love With My Bed. We're Perfect for Each Other, but My Alarm Clock Doesn't Want Us Together. That Jealous Whore.

I Pray for You Because I Don't Know How to Perform an Exorcism

Don't Provoke Me, Motherfucker. I'm a Woman. Remember, I've Been Washing Bloodstains Off My Clothes for Years.

I Used to Have Super Powers, but My Therapist Took Them Away.

You Call It Profanity. I Call It Sentence Enhancement.

Are You Always This Stupid or is Today a Special Occasion?

Stupid People Were Put on the Planet to Test My Anger Management Skills

Politically Correct

You Are as Helpful as an Ulcer

Coworkers Are Like Christmas Lights They Hang Together, Half of Them Don't Work and the Other Half Aren't So Bright.

I'm Not Sure if I Have Free Time or if I Forgot Shit.

Sarcasm is My First Language. Profanity is My Second.

I Think My Guardian Angel Drinks.

Another Fine Day Ruined by Responsibility

I Try to Be a Nice Person but Sometimes My Mouth Doesn't Cooperate

Since You Know It All You Should Also Know When to Shut Up