History Is All You Left Me

by Adam Silvera

"This book will make you cry, think, and then cry some more." 
—Nicola Yoon, #1 New York Times bestselling author of Everything, Everything 

From the New York Times bestselling author of More Happy Than Not comes an explosive examination of grief, mental illness, and the devastating consequences of refusing to let go of the past. 

When Griffin’s first love and ex-boyfriend, Theo, dies in a drowning accident, his universe implodes. Even though Theo had moved to California for college and started seeing Jackson, Griffin never doubted Theo would come back to him when the time was right. But now, the future he’s been imagining for himself has gone far off course.

To make things worse, the only person who truly understands his heartache is Jackson. But no matter how much they open up to each other, Griffin’s downward spiral continues. He’s losing himself in his obsessive compulsions and destructive choices, and the secrets he’s been keeping are tearing him apart.

If Griffin is ever to rebuild his future, he must first confront his history, every last heartbreaking piece in the puzzle of his life.

• Publish Date: 17 January 2017
• Publish Status: Unknown
• Publish Country: US
• Imprint: Soho Teen
• Format: eBook (Kindle)
• Pages: 320
• Language: English

Reviews

[kiracanread]

History Is All You Left Me was a really bittersweet book, I just didn't find that I was rooting for any of the characters like I usually do in a romance.

[moraa]

What you don’t understand, Theo, is silence is sometimes better than someone speaking before they’re ready. That is how lies slip out.

This book slowly tore me apart from the moment I read the synopsis then put me back together as we went along. I have never read something that evokes such deep sadness within me.

This has been a reading experience like no other and all I can say is that I need a period of mourning for the person I was before I read this, before I can read another book by Adam Silvera.

[nannah]

I kind of made it a goal to read all of Adam Silvera's stuff because I'd much rather read LGBT stuff by actual LGBT authors. But wading through the first half of such a dreary book was SO difficult and made me incredibly miserable.

Book content warnings:
suicide

Overall, the book was an okay read, with a lot of beautiful moments throughout the rest of what was largely a melancholy story. Griffin's first love (and sort-of-but-not-really-ex-boyfriend) dies, and everything falls apart around him. His future, his universe (even his hundreds of alternate universes), and many of his other relationships, too.

The story is is about him repairing his life and going about his own personal recovery - also overcoming his OCD. It's slow and often painful, as life often is, but also makes for painful reading. :S Like I mentioned at the beginning, the first half was particularly a struggle, especially if you're also going through something similar or have depression. The second half at last lets up, and has more of a positive attitude. It's still tough, and considering the subject matter of this book, that's not too much of a surprise.

I think this might be fit for its age group, but I just couldn't find it something enjoyable.

[writehollydavis]

Soooo glad I read this book when I did! I had been in a fantasy mood the past couple months but Adam cured my contemporary romance itch with HIAYLM. Adam perfectly switched between present day with Griffin and Jackson and the past with Griffin, Theo, and Wade. The characters felt real and the dialogue, wit, humor, and heart were all there. First person POV really suited this story and helped me feel attached to Griffin. This is a great book to read if you are looking to expand your horizons with #ownvoices, as the MC is LGBTQ and has OCD.

[Angie]

History is All You Left Me sounded like it was going to be heartbreaking, thought provoking, and hopeful. And it was for the most part, but I did find myself bored with Griffin's story in the middle. His ex-boyfriend just died and Griffin is fully submerged in his grief. Then he sees Theo's current boyfriend at the funeral. He should hate Jackson, but Griffin knows that he's the only person who really understands what he's going through. The two come together to share their grief and history with Theo, but Griffin isn't being totally honest.

Let's start with what I liked best about History is All You Left Me. The story alternates between the past and present. The past is told from Griffin's first person POV, while the present is in second person POV. I love that! It's not just randomly in second person. Griffin is talking to Theo about what's going on without him, and how he's feeling having Jackson around. I just really love how it's presented.

I was also really excited about Griffin having OCD, especially when he starts listing his compulsions and they match mine! With some variations, of course. But I am Griff, Griff is me, and we have OCD! I really felt like I was reading about me as a teen and young adult, trying to go about normally while also satisfying my compulsions without coming across as a crazy person (which Griffin think he is at first). My mind was blown to have a character who totally gets me. But then, I lost my enthusiasm at the end, because it ends with Griffin walking on a character's right side (he always has to be on the left, like me!). Um, how about no. It's great that Griffin doesn't want his compulsions controlling him, but it's not that simple. That ending rubbed me the wrong way.

I don't want to spoil anything about History is All You Left Me, since it is ultimately about Griffin finally coming clean with Theo about what was going on with him the day that he died. I had been bored in the middle of the story, because I felt like I was reading the same thing over and over. But when Griffin starts talking about those last weeks leading up to Theo's death, I was hooked again! I just wish the ending hadn't left me feeling so uncomfortable.

Read more of my reviews at Pinkindle Reads & Reviews.

[Jo]

Originally posted on Once Upon Bookcase.

I absolutely loved Adam Silvera's first book, More Happy Than Not, so I was really looking forward to his next novel, History Is All You Left Me. And it was such a beautiful story!

I was a little disappointed, though. That's not to say History Is All You Left Me is a bad book; it's not badly written, and the story isn't awful. It was actually a great story! I think the problem for me is More Happy Than Not was so incredible, I was expecting a book that was just as good, but in my opinion, wasn't as captivating as the first. Had I read this first, I think I would have loved it, but I guess I was just expecting more.

Saying that, I did enjoy the story. Griffin's relationship with Theo was a complicated one. The story is told in alternating chapters of Today, in the present, and History, which follows Griffin and Theo's relationship from best friends to a couple, and then back to best friends again. It was such an interesting way to tell the story, because from the start you know that Theo will die, and before that, that he and Griffin will break up, and Theo will find a new boyfriend, Jackson. So you get to know the Theo knowing his end will come. In some ways, this was awesome, because I quite liked Theo (though not all of the time, sometimes he was not the nicest of guys), and I felt sad as I warmed to him, knowing he was going to die. However, when History gets to the point where he does die, very close to the end, it wasn't as upsetting because I already knew, and had already read half of the chapters watching Griffin deal with his grief in present day. And on the flip side of this, at the beginning we don't know Theo that well yet, so although I sympathised with Griffin, I couldn't empathise with his grief; I hadn't lost him yet. It was a really great way to tell the story, but at the same time telling the story this way left me with an emotional disconnect; I felt sorry for the characters who were grieving, but I wasn't all that upset myself.

What was really odd, but also beautiful, was the relationship between Griffin and Jackson. Reading the blurb, I thought it was going to end up that the two would bond in their grief and fall in love, but it's not that story. These two do not fall in love, but they do bond. Neither like the other; Griffin always held out hope that he and Theo would eventually get back together, that is was going to be them for life, and Jackson was this obstacle to that, and Jackson struggled with how close Theo was to his ex - and understandably really, as Griffin was hoping they would end up breaking up. In the History chapters, I think a number of us will be able to relate to Griffin during these moments; that feeling of being in love with  someone who is with someone else. Griffin really struggles with it, and I found it really uncomfortable how he really wanted them to split up, that every time Theo would come to him after he and Jackson would have a fight, he'd say all the right things, being a "friend", but secretly hoping this was the fight that would end things. That really wasn't nice to see, it really bothered me, and I just kept thinking, why can't you accept the way things are and move on? It was really unhealthy, and he hoped in a way that I wasn't ok with. But the reason he holds on to his hope so much is covered later in the book, and it just upset me in the biggest way. And all I can say is, thank god for Wade, Theo and Griffin's friend. He is such a good guy! But ugh, Griffin just isn't that great, I really disliked him at times.

But back to Griffin and Jackson in present day. They do not like each other, but they are the only other people who know exactly what they're going through: losing someone you love. Each can accept that the other genuinely loved Theo, and so both are experiencing the same thing, though they each have different history with Theo. A friendship is formed as they get to know each other, though, and learn about the Theo each didn't know, and grieve together. But at the same time, Griffin still feels jealousy over their relationship, and though he wants to know about Theo-at-college and his relationship with Jackson, each thing he learns hurts him. Their friendship helps each other, but it also hurts each other. I do think they talk about things they shouldn't talk about with each other, but they need to talk about Theo, and who else is going to listen, is going to get it?

I loved the intersectionality of this book, because Griffin is gay (making this book #OwnVoices), and has OCD. The focus is on Griffin's grief, his relationship with Theo, and his blossoming friendship with Jackson, but Griffin's OCD is still a big part of the book. He can only walk  or be on people's left sides, he was an issue with odd numbers, when it comes to the time and dates as well as the number of things. We witness Griffin having a panic attack twice, and when he can't get past an odd number of in a mental list. As someone who has panic attacks because of anxiety, I found them to be very realistic, even if the causes are different. I would have liked to have seen more of him in therapy and getting treated for it, but it's understandable that we don't as Griffin isn't in a place to deal with it when he's so weighed down by his grief.

In all, History Is All You Left Me is a beautiful, but heartbreaking story - despite my emotional disconnect!

Thank you to Simon & Schuster Children's Books for the bookseller reading copy.

[readingwithwrin]

"History remains with the people who will appreciate it most."


I went into this book with no expectations whatsoever, and I am really glad I did it that way.

Griffin is now dealing with the loss of his first love (Theo), the person he thought he was always going to be with, the one he had had all of his firsts with. Yes things had happened that had caused them to be apart, but he still believed they would get back together.
But things don't work out how he thought they would, and instead of seeing him again soon. It was seeing him again at his funeral, with his new boyfriend there as well. This makes for some awkward moments for both Griffin's parents and Theo's, and of course the new boyfriend (Jackson) was awkward to.

"He made me feel safe from the world, and made me feel safe from myself."


I'm not going to lie reading the funeral and several other parts of the book were extremely difficult to get through, because we could tell that Griffin was so in love with Theo and he was truly grieving. Silvera did a wonderful job of getting that across in a very few words as well as making the friends/family connections feels like you had know them for years as well.
As time goes on and Griffin and Jackson start spending time togethor we get to see not only the things Griffin did with Theo, but also the things Jackson had done with him to. We learned so much about all of them and how maybe things weren't as special to the other as they thought they were.

Honestly I really did like this book. The parents were so supportive of them and completely understood and had normal rules put in place.
The way Griffin dealt with his grief while not being in a healthy way, was something that is fairly normal for a lot of people sadly.

"Its what you do. Sorry, that sounds like you're a whore or something, that's not what I mean. you do things you know you shouldn't. It's like your wired to make mistakes when you're not in your 'best space' and it wasn't hard to guess that was going to happen."
His friendship with Wade while strained now, was nice as well considering they had been three best friends and then Griffin and Theo had started dating, which could have made everything weird, but it somehow didn't. Wade kept trying and kept being around when Griffin needed him and he was just a really good friend, who truly just wanted the best for Griffin.

When it came to dealing with other issues Griffin had though I felt like his parents did let them go on for a little to long, or maybe Griffin was just better at hiding it before Theo died.


SPOILER

Did anybody else think him and Wade were going to happen? Cause that was a big surprise to me. Was nice to see Griffin happy, just wasn't expecting it to be with Wade.



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[Kelly]

Griffin was a wonderful young man, gentle, intelligent and consumed by Theo. While Theo is animated, sensual and navigating his relationship parameters with Griffin. The nonlinear narrative begins with Griffin attending the funeral, being confronted with Jackson, Theo's college boyfriend and the history his dear Theo left behind.

If I'm going to have any chance of getting through today, tomorrow, and all of the days that follow, I think I need to go back to the start, where we were two boys bonding over jigsaw puzzles and falling in love.

Theo is incredibly intelligent but ultimately flawed despite the insistence of Griffin. Shortly after Theo and Griffin begin their relationship, Theo is offered early acceptance into a Californian college and with reluctance, leaving Griffin and their relationship behind. At college, Theo has lived an existence that is only shared through phone calls that have become less frequent as Theo and Jackson explore a new relationship. Throughout the nonlinear storyline, Griffin sees Theo's new relationship as insignificant, with little wonder as Theo seemed to manipulate Griffin's emotions, sharing the turbulence of his new relationship knowing Griffin was hopeful the two would reunite.

Griffin never received closure, so when Theo passed due to the tragic drowning accident, he reluctantly agrees to spent time with a grieving Jackson to understand aspects of Theo's life he no longer shared. Theo and Griffin's mutual friend Wade mourned alone and attempted to reach out to Griffin, consumed by grief to notice. Wade lived within Theo's shadow but after their separation, became a necessary voice of reason in Griffin's life.

Griffin lives with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, anxious over uneven numbers and favouring one side over the other. Theo, Jackson and Wade all interacted with Griffin on a varied scale. While Theo seemingly helped ease Griffin's anxiety, he believed these were simply quirks that added to Griffin's appeal. Jackson was incredibly intuitive both through his observations and relationship with Theo, his kind and gentle nature put Griffin at ease. While Wade had adopted the same approach as Jackson, but continued to challenge Griffin.

While the main focus is on the same sex relationships of Griffin and Theo, Theo and Jackson, the tentative friendship between Griffin and Jackson was therapeutic for both characters. His friendship with Wade and the wonderful relationship between Griffin's parents was a lovely touch. Diverse without using character diversity as the main narrative. Same sex relationships, bisexuality, anxiety disorders, a parent who is in a wheelchair and incredibly sex positive. It was beautiful.

Adam Silvera is exceptional. History Is All You Left Me is a heartbreaking narrative about the relationships that ignite passion and influence our lives. Tender, exquisite and breathtaking.

[ccbookwitch]

I was initially impressed with this book because I honestly did not like MORE HAPPY THAN NOT. I know I am a black sheep with that opinion, and part of the reason I read this book even though I didn't like that one was because I wanted to see if perhaps I was wrong the first time around. The writing in this book is much better than MHTN. It was another very emotional story and it handled the topic of grief well, but I realized I kind of have an issue with how it was plotted. There's a big reveal near the end of the book about the MC's relationship with someone, and it didn't make any sense to me that this would be a big plot twist reveal type of thing, because in real life, you would be thinking about that all along. It made sense when the same thing was done in MHTN because the guy literally had his memory erased, but in this book, it did not work for me and stretched the believability of the story too much. I also thought it chopped up the pacing of the story to have a big reveal near the end again, and the plot twist ended up seeming kind of random and there just for the shock value. I still think this book is better than MHTN, but I don't know if I'll end up keeping a four-star rating because compared to other books, I don't think it's really that great.

[Stephanie]

Well, this was heartbreaking. Hope you enjoy the sads, I certainly did.