Ordinary Beauty

by Laura Wiess

My name is Sayre Bellavia, and for seventeen years my mother's loved her addiction more than she's loved me. More than she's even likedme, actually, because I'm the one who ruined her life. Her words, not mine. So I learned a long time ago how to lay low and act like I want nothing, expect nothing and hope for nothing so I don't become more trouble than I'm worth, because I guess I'm pretty easy to abandon. And neglect, and betray. My mother says I should take what I get and be satisfied, but what I get is nothing, and what I want is everything: To be safe and loved, to have a real home and a father and a last name that's connected to someone, somewhere. I want to know if my mother ever thinks about Beale and Ellie and that terrible, beautiful year we were happy. I want to know if she ever loved me, even for just one second, and if after all the pain and tragedy her addiction has cost us, if I even still love her, and so I will fight my way back to her, crossing all our boundaries and resurrecting the forbidden until I find out because if I don't the wail inside me will never end, and then history is bound to repeat itself.

And God, I don't want to be her.

I want a future.

• ISBN10: 1439193967
• ISBN13: 9781439193969
• Publish Date: 15 September 2011 (first published 14 June 2011)
• Publish Status: Transferred
• Publish Country: US
• Imprint: Simon & Schuster
• Format: Paperback (US Trade)
• Pages: 320
• Language: English

Reviews

[Bianca]

You know what’s so great about tomorrow? There’s not a mark on it. You can get out there and be anyone, go anywhere, do anything. The sky’s the limit. The only thing that ever really holds you back is yourself, and what you’re afraid of. . . .

[Joni Reads]

This story hit me hard. There were times in this book that I had to put it down and walk away. I received this in the mail about a week ago and it has taken me that long to get through it. Not because it was a bad book. On the contrary, Laura Wiess has done it again by creating a startlingly honest novel about something people know happens but choose to ignore. I am sure we have all seen the kid in school with the dirty clothes who seems to never bathe and most people, at least at my old school, blamed the kid for the way they appeared. But this story brings up the point that it's not the child's choice to live that way. You have no idea what goes on behind closed doors.
In this story the main character, Sayre has lived with her mother and her mother's addictions her whole life. Her mother is an alcoholic and has been addicted to meth and is now addicted to pain pills. She has never taken care of Sayre, and spends every cent they have on her addictions. To say this girl had an awful life is not even the half of it. At one point her mother's best friend tried to kill her with a hammer. A neighbor called the police and her mother was arrested but as soon as her mother was released, Sayre was made to live with her again. That's one of the most disturbing thing about this story. Though no one knew everything that was going on, people knew enough and yet they never did anything to stop it. Now, Sayre is 17 and her mother is in the hospital dying of liver failure. Sayre is determined that before her mother dies to find out the truth once and for all. A question no child should ever have to ask. Did my mother ever love me?
This book is haunting. For me on personal levels. My own mother was an addict. She gave me up and I lived with my grandparents and then after they fell ill, I moved in with distant cousins. But reading this book was like reading the way my life could have turned out. The fact that things like this happen, that there are children out there living a life close to how Sayre lives is heartbreaking. There is not one person out there that can read this story and not be haunted by it. All in all, a breathtaking, haunting, amazing story. Laura Wiess has done it again.