The Princess Beard: The Tales of Pell (Tales of Pell, #3)

by Kevin Hearne and Delilah S. Dawson

This princess can shave herself! The hilarious bestselling authors of Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes are back with a new adventure in the irreverent world of Pell.

Once upon a time, a princess slept in a magical tower cloaked in thorns and roses. 

When she woke, she found no Prince Charming, only a surfeit of hair and grotesquely long fingernails—which was, honestly, better than some creep who acted without consent. She cut off her long braids and used them to escape. But she kept the beard because it made a great disguise.

This is not a story about finding true love’s kiss—it's a story about finding yourself. On a pirate ship. Where you belong.

But these are no ordinary pirates aboard The Puffy Peach, serving under Filthy Lucre, the one-eyed parrot pirate captain. First there’s Vic, a swole and misogynistic centaur on a mission to expunge himself of the magic that causes him to conjure tea and dainty cupcakes in response to stress. Then there’s Tempest, who’s determined to become the first dryad lawyer—preferably before she takes her ultimate form as a man-eating tree. They’re joined by Alobartalus, an awkward and unelfly elf who longs to meet his hero, the Sn’archivist who is said to take dictation directly from the gods of Pell. Throw in some mystery meat and a dastardly capitalist plot, and you’ve got one Pell of an adventure on the high seas!

In this new escapade set in the magical land of Pell, Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne lovingly skewer the tropes of fairy tales and create a new kind of fantasy: generous, gently humorous, and inclusive. There might also be otters.

• ISBN10: 1524797804
• ISBN13: 9781524797805
• Publish Date: 8 October 2019
• Publish Status: Out of Stock
• Out of Print: 18 September 2020
• Publish Country: US
• Imprint: Del Rey Books
• Format: Hardcover
• Pages: 384
• Language: English

Reviews

[Witty and Sarcastic Bookclub]

Thank you to Netgalley for providing me with this book in exchange for my honest opinion. This will be available in stores on October 8th.

I loved both Kill the Farm Boy and No Country for Old Gnomes (Pell #1 and #2), but this one failed to drum up much enthusiasm for me. That’s not to say I hated it. I just felt very apathetic about it in general. It wasn’t bad, it just…wasn’t.

The Pell books thus far have been highly ridiculous and incredibly punny, which is the kind of humor I appreciate. The Princess Beard kept the jokes coming, but I think that there were so many squeezed in that I didn’t get a chance to appreciate them all. At times, it seemed like the authors were just trying to hard.

It’s unfortunate because the first two books are so stinking funny that I was hoping for a home run on the entire series. However, don’t count these books out. The first two are absolutely worth reading and, even being just so-so for me, the third book is still better than many other satirical fantasies out there. It just wasn’t my thing.

Have you read this? Thoughts?

[Quirky Cat]

I received a copy of The Princess Beard through NetGalley in exchange for a fair and honest review.

The Princess Beard is the third novel in the Tales of Pell series, which is a joint project by Delilah S. Dawson and Kevin Hearne. Together these two authors have created a truly inane and amazing world.
The Tales of Pell is a world full of fairy tales flipped on their heads, with dozens of stereotypes warped into the funniest ways imaginable. They stretch plots to their extremes, and have oh so much fun along the way.
There once was a princess who fell to sleep thanks to a magical rose that cursed her. It was her second curse, which resulted in some interesting side effects. Now that she's awake, she's determined to change her destiny. And maybe save some otters along the way.
This novel is full of unique and brilliant characters, all quirky, silly, and utterly lovable. Morgan is the princess who woke up from a cursed slumber...and she wasn't too thrilled about the massive amount of hair and nails she grew during that time. Though she's cool with keeping the beard. And with becoming a pirate.
Vic is a centaur with a specific gift. He can summon tea and biscuits on a whim. But he doesn't want that power – he wants to be all swoll and tough. And ideally, have everyone know exactly how manly and macho he is.
Tempest is a dryad, and now that she and her sisters have been newly freed, she has big plans for her life. That is, she's got plans on how to spend the part of her life before she turns into a giant and blood hungry tree. That part is already set in stone for her, and the rest of her kind for that matter.
Albartalus, aka Al, is the world's worst elf. He doesn't look or act like any other elf out there. Unless you count his talent for taking advantage of rubes. But he wants better for his life. He wants something new and better.

“Everyone loved dryads and drynads when they lived as slightly leafy humans, looking beautiful and healing folks of any ailment, but no one wanted to tolerate them when they were living the part of their life cycle that required them to be bloodthirsty trees.”

The Princess Beard was an amazing followup in the Tales of Pell series. It was so much fun – lighthearted, chaotic, and just a tiny bit crazy. Just the way I like it. I adore what Dawson and Hearne have created together here. And it has left me hoping to see more author collaborations in the future.
The sass and satire were strong in the third novel in the series, as it continued to warp and twist stereotypes and expectations left and right. And it was glorious. Some of this I had been expecting; fun twists on the classic fairy tales. I still loved those moments.
But then there were some surprising twists and moments. Such as the voyage and seas they were on – a surprise which I will not ruin by talking about in too much detail. The other surprise? Taking a massively popular novel series and just having a blast warping it all over the place. It was absolutely hilarious.
As always, I loved the chaos in this tale. I also loved some of the undercurrents and messages. It's hard not to adore what these two authors are doing here. And it's hard not to keep hoping for more. Though even I have to admit that if the series ended here, they did so on the perfect spot. So I couldn't complain – except to say that I miss it.

For more reviews check out Quirky Cat's Fat Stacks

[Beth C.]

This was such a *satisfying* ending to the trilogy. More cohesive, I think, than the first book - but the story was great. Few of the characters from books one or two show up, though there are occasional references to them. Still many puns, and a few literal LOL moments - which always get me a few strange looks as I'm driving or sitting on the train. The tale was fun and interesting, the characters were great, and as I listened to the audiobook - Luke Daniels was a master as always. I will miss Pell and it's crazy inhabitants, and I'll keep my fingers crossed that there may be a return every so often!