Snarky Coworker Notebook Publishing

I Have a Good Heart, But This Mouth...

2 Words. 1 Finger.

I Was Asked What I Look for in a Relationship... Apparently "a Way Out" Wasn't the Right Answer

Hey, I Found Your Nose. It Was in My Business

If You'll Give Me a Minute... I Think I Can Make This Worse

I Am Putting a Vending Machine in My Yard for Halloween. Fuck Those Kids, I Have Bills to Pay

I Have Neither the Time, Nor the Crayons to Explain This to You

Next Time a Stranger Talks to Me When I Am Alone, I Will Just Look at Him Shocked and Just Whisper Quietly "you Can See Me?"

Me

Alcohol

Dear Men, Close Your Eyes. Imagine You Have a Daughter. Imagine She Is Dating a Guy Just Like You. Did You Smile? No. Then Change

You Gonna Piss a Lot of People Off When You Start Doing What's Best for You

What Did One Butt Cheek Say to the Other? Together We Can Stop This Shit

Have You Ever Just Looked at Someone and Knew the Wheel Was Turning But the Hamster Was Dead?

My Body Is the Temple, Ancient, Crumbling, Probably Cursed, Filled with Unspeakable Horror

Some People Create Their Own Storms, Then Get Upset When It Rains

I Saw Two Guys Wearing Matching Outfits and Asked If They Were Gay? They Arrested Me

The Next Time Your Wife Gets Angry, Drape a Towel Over Her Shoulders (Like a Cape) and Say, "now You're Super Angry!" Maybe She'll Laugh. Maybe You'll Die

I Miss You Like an Idiot Misses the Point

Had a Bad Mixup at the Store Today. When the Cashier Said Strip Down Facing Me, Apparently She Was Referring to My Credit Card

My Tolerance for Idiots Is Extremely Low Today. Are Used to Have Some Immunity Built Up, But Obviously There Is a New Strain Out There

Accidentally Punched Myself in the Face While Trying to Pull My Blanket Up. If That Doesn't Accurately Describe My Life, I Don't Know What Does

Don't Try to Explain Yourself to Idiots. You Are Not the Fuckface Whisperer

What Doesn't Kill You, Still Requires a Co-Pay