Snarky Coworker Notebook Publishing

After Monday and Tuesday Even the Calendar Says Wtf

Holding on to Anger Is Like Drinking Poison and Expecting the Other Person to Die - Buddha

Of Course Size Matters. No One Wants a Small Pizza

The Guy Who Discovered Milk... What Was He Doing?

If Only Closed Minds Came with Closed Mouths

He Wiped Her Tears Away, and Accidentally Her Eyebrows Too

You Are Offended by the Things I Say? Imagine the Stuff I Hold Back

I Need Something That's More Than Coffee, But Less Than Cocaine

I Am Not an Early Bird or a Night Owl. I Am Some Form of Permanently Exhausted Pigeon

Telling a Woman to Calm Down Works about as Well as Baptizing a Cat

I Told My Wife She Should Embrace Her Mistakes... She Hugged Me

Dear Optimist, Pessimist, and Realist, While You Guys Were Arguing about the Glass of Water, I Drank It. Sincerely, the Opportunist

Sweetie, Leave the Sarcasm and Insults to the Pros. You're Going to Hurt Yourself. Go Play in Traffic

Old People at Weddings Always Poke Me and Say "you're Next." So I Started Doing the Same Thing to Them at Funerals

Those Who Stir the Shit Pot, Should Have to Lick the Spoon

Don't Study Me, You Won't Graduate

Please Don't Knock on My Door to Talk about God! I Don't Knock on Your Door to Talk about Wine and Vibrators, Do I?

Does Anyone Know Which Page of the Bible Explains How to Turn Water Into Wine? Asking for a Friend

Confidence Is Silent. Insecurities Are Loud

A Group of Kids Is Called a Migraine

Day 12 Without Chocolate... Lost Hearing in My Left Eye

Dear God

There Is a Great Sale Going on Right Now. for Only $0.00 You Can Mind Your Own Fucking Business

I May Not Be Much to Look AT, But I Fuck Like the Government