If I Fall, If I Die

by Michael Christie

Will's mother is a fiercely loving yet wildly eccentric agoraphobe who drowns in panic at the thought of opening the front door. Their world is rich and loving, full of art, experiments, and music-- but confined to their small house. When Will finally ventures outside-- clad in a protective helmet and unsure of how to talk to other kids-- he is pulled far from the confines of his closed-off world and thrust headfirst into the throes of early adulthood and the dangers that everyday life offers.

• ISBN10: 0804140804
• ISBN13: 9780804140805
• Publish Date: 20 January 2015 (first published 1 January 2015)
• Publish Status: Remaindered
• Out of Print: 20 April 2017
• Publish Country: US
• Imprint: Hogarth Press
• Format: Hardcover
• Pages: 336
• Language: English

Reviews

[violetpeanut]

How do I describe this book? It has great writing, very developed and complex characters, great atmosphere, and a good plot. BUT. But, I didn't really enjoy it all that much. This is like one of those books you read for English class. You can recognize all the things that make it great, it's just not something you enjoy reading. That's how I felt about If I Fall, If I Die.

Will has been extremely sheltered. His mother is agoraphobic and has kept him in the house his entire life. He has never been exposed to anyone other than delivery people. Will is at that age when he starts to question things and he realizes on some level that the way they are living is not normal. He decides to venture outside. He makes a friend, starts going to school and even tries some dangerous things.

The author really does a fantastic job of showing just how awkward Will is. Other characters look at him funny because of the things he says which makes Will feel more uncomfortable. Sometimes he knows he's said something wrong, but he's not quite sure what. Throughout the book, Will adjusts to the "Outside" and the reader takes that journey with him, from awkward home-bound boy to normal rebellious, risk-taking, individual. In the beginning, Will is babied by his mom and seems happy with the status-quo, yet even then, we see glimpses of his curiosity and his spirit. As the book progresses, Will develops a courage and individuality that were unexpected. Will's awkwardness becomes a double-edged sword, though. At times, he's so awkward that I found it hindered my enjoyment of the book. I never really felt completely immersed in it. It never really "grabbed" me.

The book also shifts to his mother's perspective at various points throughout. During these chapters, we learn about Diane's past and how she came to be the way she is. Her character is also complex. Her fear is almost another character in itself. It's potent and consuming and controls her in every way. As the book continues, it becomes clear that she must make a choice between her fear and her son.

The plot and setting were also very good. A boy goes missing and Will and his new friend take it upon themselves to find him. There's some mystery involved which should have kept things interesting. The book is also very atmospheric. It's set in a Canadian town that used to be a hub for shipping grain. Diane grew up there and through her flashbacks, we see how important this port is and how important the industry is to the town. It employs pretty much everyone. In present day, the warehouses are abandoned and the waterfront is now a hub for criminal activity. There aren't any jobs and relations between the town folk and the Natives are more strained than ever. There's a clear parallel between Diane's downward spiral and the town's.

I think my biggest problem was in the pacing. I felt like despite the writing style, the plot and the great characters, I was slogging through most of the book. The chapters from Diane's perspective seemed to pop up at random and, while they were important and necessary to understand the story, they broke up the flow and made the book feel very choppy. There's also one entire section that focuses on a third character and that really brought me out of the groove.

Overall, this book is well-written with complex characters and an interesting plot but the pacing was off and I just never really got into this the way I hoped I would. This is a book that I can definitely appreciate as being very good but unfortunately, it wasn't a favorite of mine. However, if you're a fan of literary fiction, have an interest in agoraphobia or really love a character-driven book, I would urge you to check it out.

Note: I received a copy of this book for free from the publisher in exchange for my honest review.

[meowstina]

I received an advanced reader’s copy from the publisher in exchange for an honest review.

Will’s first experience with Outside is so thrilling that he wants to do it again. Then, it’s for a purpose. His friendship with Jonah has a slow start, but soon enough Will convinces Jonah to help him find the missing boy, who is fascinating to Will. For such a young boy he takes on responsibility incredibly quickly, but this is mostly due to his curiosity. He has never been Outside, so he does not yet know that there are dangers that come along with the joys. Where his mother worries too much, he may not worry enough.

Will is headstrong and independent, largely due to his mother’s state of constant fear. The chapters are mostly from Will’s perspective, experiencing Outside for the first time and becoming both enamoured and repelled by it and the people who populate Thunder Bay. Sometimes, though, the chapters are of Diane’s memories of her life before panic and fear took over.

This book is largely about Will’s search for the missing boy and the mystery and adventure that it entails, but it’s also about facing the unknown and facing fears. It’s pretty interesting for the most part, both looking through Jonah’s eyes as he experiences the world for the first time, and reflecting on Diane’s sheltered past living in a small town. I was curious to follow the adventure and see where Will would end up. Will’s age is never divulged, which is a little confusing, but I put him at about twelve years old. This is his coming of age tale, but it involves a little more danger than is average for a boy at his life stage.