My Dark Vanessa

by Kate Elizabeth Russell

Grace Gummer (Narrator)

An instant New York Times and Sunday Times bestseller SHORTLISTED FOR THE 2021 DYLAN THOMAS AWARD

'A package of dynamite' Stephen King

‘Powerful, compulsive, brilliant’ Marian Keyes

An era-defining novel about the relationship between a fifteen-year-old girl and her teacher

ALL HE DID WAS FALL IN LOVE WITH ME AND THE WORLD TURNED HIM INTO A MONSTER

Vanessa Wye was fifteen-years-old when she first had sex with her English teacher.

She is now thirty-two and in the storm of allegations against powerful men in 2017, the teacher, Jacob Strane, has just been accused of sexual abuse by another former student.

Vanessa is horrified by this news, because she is quite certain that the relationship she had with Strane wasn't abuse. It was love. She's sure of that.

Forced to rethink her past, to revisit everything that happened, Vanessa has to redefine the great love story of her life – her great sexual awakening – as rape. Now she must deal with the possibility that she might be a victim, and just one of many.

Nuanced, uncomfortable, bold and powerful, My Dark Vanessa goes straight to the heart of some of the most complex issues of our age.

• ISBN13: 9780008342272
• Publish Date: 10 March 2020
• Publish Status: Active
• Publish Country: GB
• Publisher: HarperCollins Publishers
• Imprint: Fourth Estate Ltd
• Edition: Unabridged edition
• Format: Audiobook (WAV)
• Duration: 15 hours and 33 minutes
• Language: English
• URL: http://harpercollins.co.uk

Reviews

[lessthelonely]

3.75/5 stars.

This wasn't an easy book to read - and you're about to say "Oh, another review talking about the book's heavy subject matter", but you'd be surprised to find that my gripes with this book don't come from its subject matter, but from its structure and some crucial decisions that were made with it.

Let's start by saying you should definitely know about this book's trigger warnings before reading it - I knew it and I do believe I would've been fine without knowing it, but I like to be shocked and surprised by dark subject matters and happenings in books. Some people do not and I feel like I should always say this whenever I encounter a book that I feel warrants it.

I have no idea why this book is so controversial. Maybe I'm sort of desensitized since I've read like two or three books that touch on this topic - though I don't feel like I was as shocked or bewildered like a lot of people. I boil this down to the unflinching writing this book has. The author doesn't shy away from reaping the shock and emotions from what's happening - it would be in poor taste if this wasn't the point. The shock shows us just how easily someone in Vanessa's situation can end up feeling like an impostor by manifesting their own trauma, with an unflinching showcase of how traumatizing it is but, at the same point, at how easily someone who doesn't know any better can get tangled in it and even come to a place of conformity towards it - I would probably do better in using another term but I feel like my point has been made.

My gripes with this book is that the chapters have no business being this long. I get that this is literary fiction - for me, having that genre on it feels like saying "This book was written to prove a point". And I got the point from the book, but I don't get why it couldn't have a little less meandering. The author frequently reached the point of a chapter, only for the chapter to keep going for a little while. And while some other points were definitely being made or reinstated, it wasn't easy to digest a lot of wandering around.

The book had "can't look away or you'll miss it" moments - I don't get why those were so sparse and momentaneously sprinkled in. I truly ate those up and the story definitely didn't lose any of its punch, in fact, it drove the punch further into me, I'd say. When it first happened, I was like: "Oh, ok, it's picking up" and while one could argue that Yes, it did, one could also argue otherwise.

So that would be what I wish this book had done: a little less meandering and just a tad more plot. The book is still just as tragic with a bit of meandering, but there are definitely moments that stretched on for a little too long.

I liked this book and I'm glad I read it, but this is one of those books engineered to leave you feeling angry or at least unsatisfied (because that's the point), so tread carefully.

[Kim Deister]

My Dark Vanessa is a deeply dark novel that was incredibly uncomfortable to read at times and equally as difficult to process. But it is also a book that I found to be meaningful and important. It’s the story of Vanessa, who at just 15, becomes inextricably involved with her teacher, Jacob Strane, a man twenty-seven years her senior. The relationship between them is dark from the very beginning. As a reader, we see the grooming process, see Vanessa fall under his spell, even as some part of her rejects it. But that part isn’t enough to keep her away, and she becomes obsessed. But this is not a love story, even as Vanessa often sees it as such. Far from it. The story is told from Vanessa’s point of view, alternating between her present and her past. That sets up a juxtaposition between the memories of a teenage girl just coming into her own and the damage her obsession has done to her entire being. The dual timelines serve to underscore the effect of the relationship on Vanessa, having the advantage to see what young Vanessa can’t. By having the advantage of seeing the older Vanessa. And that’s the most heartbreaking part of the novel… the struggles that older Vanessa has in reconciling the truth of her relationship with Strane. Did she enter into it willingly, or was she groomed? Everything she is has been defined by this man, this relationship. To accept that maybe it might have been something different would mean redefining everything she is. There are many readers who feel like there were too many sexual scenes between Strane and Vanessa, enough to make it feel as if it were gratuitous. And that they were too descriptive. That it was all too romanticized. I do not agree. To me, those things were all integral parts of the story. Does it make a reader uncomfortable? Yes, it does. But that is because we, as readers, have distance from the story. We see the situation for what it is because we are looking at it through a different lens. But Vanessa, at 15, was torn between love and repulsion, desperate to matter, to feel. And there was a weird power for her, knowing that this older man yearned for her, a power that she craved and that fueled her obsession. This book came at a relevant time, in this post-Me Too movement time, making the story that much more thought-provoking and meaningful. It puts a spotlight on psychological manipulation, on grooming, on the long-term fallout from trauma.

[Angie]

Proceed With Caution:

This book is centered on a student-teacher relationship and covers child abuse, grooming, suicide, substance abuse, and PTSD.

The Basics:

My Dark Vanessa alternates between present day (2017) with Vanessa having to relive her past with her prior English teacher, Jacob Strane, who is being investigated for sexual abuse with five other girls, and her high school and college years (2000-2006) where she was in a relationship with him. Vanessa adamantly believes that things were different with her. She wasn't abused. They were in love.

My Thoughts:

I am fascinated by student-teacher relationships, whether they're between two consenting adults in a Romance novel or if they're a twisted Realistic Fiction novel like My Dark Vanessa. This book does not hold back at all. it goes deep into the relationship between Vanessa and Strane, from the moment she lays eyes on him, all the way until the bitter end.

My Dark Vanessa had me all kinds of conflicted. Yes, I know a fifteen-year-old girl should not be with a forty-two-year-old man. Especially her teacher. They both know better. Strane especially knows better, and he outright says it! He's always making sure that Vanessa knows that he can get in trouble, but he convinces her that she holds all of the power here. We both believed him! She can send him to prison with a word. That is powerful. But it's obviously a manipulation tactic. One of many that he uses on Vanessa over many years. It just takes her a while to realize it.

There were moments where I believed they were in love. They have moments. Or maybe I just wanted them to be in love and prove everyone wrong, much like Vanessa. However, there are plenty of moments that are quite horrific. Their first time having sex? Umm...wow, no. All of the lying and pleading and crying (both of them). It's a lot. These are two damaged people who seemed to have found something in each other, but also, it's a very damaged man preying on a teenage girl who is convinced that she's special.

I don't even really know what to say about My Dark Vanessa. You'll know if this book is for you or not based on the description. If this subject matter isn't something you want to read about, then don't. If you're curious how a teenager was convinced to be with a man nearly 30 years older than her and stay with him on-and-off for the next 17 years while convincing herself that it's totally fine, she's different, they're different? Definitely pick it up.

[ross91]

Last book of the year

[britmlewis]

I read this book in essentially one sitting, and I'd be surprised if most don't. If you've ever been in an abusive relationship of any kind, and particularly one involving pedophilia, I will say this may be triggering. Russell authentically captured the psychological dissonance many victims feel, and as a reader, it's frustrating - but I think it will be recognizable to anyone who has had a similar experience. It's dark, twisted, and filled with characters whose necks you'll want to ring, but there are also glimmers of hope and humanity.