4.5 Stars
I'm still trying to fully absorb this book. Normally I write my reviews immediately after I finish reading, but not with The Summer I Wasn't Me. This book was so powerful, so intense, so horrifying, that I had to sit and absorb it all before I could put some words together. And I still don't feel like I'm ready to do that, but I had to get started, so here we go!
The Summer I Wasn't Me is a curious book, because there are certain elements of it that I hated, but you're meant to hate them, so that didn't make me hate the book. The story is all about Lexi going to a camp to learn how to not be gay. That's absurd, right? Totally ridiculous! The camp is one of the most disgusting and terrible things I've ever read about.. which is the intent. Some of the things that go on there will shock you.
New Horizons isn't all about turning gays straight. It's also about laying out gender roles and ensuring that people stick within those roles. So men play sports and fix things around the house, whereas women cook, do laundry, and wear pink feminine clothing.
"What is the role of a woman?" she asks.
"The role of a woman is exactly the same as anyone else's," I say with a shrug. "To live and learn and love and be happy."
The counselor just clears her throat and repeats her quesetion. "What is the role of a woman?"
Clearly this isn't a very feminist bunch. I sigh and repeat my last answer, since that seemed to work last time. "To have children."
The camp had the balls to tell Lexi that the reason she's gay is because her parents set a bad example. Her father acted like her friend instead of the disciplinary figure of the household, and that's unacceptable. Her mother wore casual clothes and worked out of the home, and that's unacceptable. Her parents set bad examples and caused Lexi to misinterpret gender roles, which is why she's now gay. WHAT THE BLOODY HELL! It was so infuriating! And the parts that come after... so many devastating feels.
"The only reason I'm even at New Horizons is to fix my family. And now Mr. Martin is saying that for the de-gayifying to work, I have to reject everything that my family was and is. So what, then, is the point of all this?"
I think this is the reason why the book is so hard to "review". This book is so sad, frustrating, aggravating, and horrifying, but not in the bad "I hate this book" kind of way. It's all those things in the "powerful" kind of way; the way that will shock and stun you as you read it. But that kind of feeling and reaction cannot possibly be put into words! It has to be experienced for yourself.
The best part of this book came as a surprise to me. At first, Lexi was open to the idea of "de-gaying". Initially, I was mad. I wanted Lexi to be firmly against this because the whole idea is just absurd! But she tried to go in with an open mind. But I think that ended up making the story even more powerful. She was able to discover for herself how ridiculous and impossible it was, and we got to be with her for the journey.
But that was one of the reasons I loved Matthew. He filled the "rebel against the idea of the camp" role that I needed. So although Lexi wasn't exactly rebelling, Matthew was, and that satisfied me. He was also one of my favourite characters just because of how damn fun and sweet he was!
The love story in The Summer I Wasn't Me was sooo sweet! It was soft and tender and totally slow-brewing. It was everything I hoped it would be, and it completely captured my heart! I was so eager and giddy, and maybe the "forbidden" aspect made it even more fun!
If I had one criticism, it would be that I wish the end was a tad more drawn out. There are some intense things that happen towards the end, and it's implied that people will face the consequences of their actions, but we never actually get to see it first hand. I think I would have been a bit more satisfied if I actually got to see those consequences for myself. I wanted to see the handcuffs slapped on that Mr. Martin bastard!
But this book will make you FEEL. It may even make you sob uncontrollably. But most importantly, I think it will shock you. It will shock you into wondering if the "de-gaying" camps that exist are truly like this.. and if they are, it will make you want to do something about it. Because holy shit, it'd DISGUSTING! It will anger you to no end! And I love that The Summer I Wasn't Me pulled all these crazy emotions out of me. It made me love and hate and get pissed and want to cry happy tears! ALL OF THE EMOTIONS HAPPENED!
Jessica Verdi rocked my world again with this one. She's definitely on my auto-buy list.