annieb123's Review of Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success

by Michelle Icard

Turn common adolescent missteps, from relationship blunders to rebellions that backfire, into character-building moments—by the author of Fourteen Talks by Age Fourteen.

“This clear-eyed, practical, fun-to-read guide is an essential read for every parent.”—Lisa Damour, PhD, New York Times bestselling author of Untangled, Under Pressure, and The Emotional Lives of Teenagers

Every child messes up, sometimes in ways that seem sure to wreck their futures: a bad report card, poor sportsmanship, underaged drinking. These are tough moments for parent and child alike, often complicated by the fear that the misstep is also an indictment of our parenting. But what each of these “fails” has in common for our kids is the precious silver lining of a chance for character building and developing more grit—if we help them process their mistake well.

An invaluable playbook for anxious parents everywhere, Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success offers specific and unexpected advice about what to say, what not to say, and what to do to help children in eight categories of tense situations. Distilled from Michelle Icard’s decades of experience working with tweens, teenagers, and families, it also introduces her signature three-step approach to any kind of failure:

• Contain: Affirm your child, gather the facts, and control the narrative.
• Resolve: Explain what went wrong, define clear consequences, teach them to apologize well, and develop a plan to rebuild trust.
• Evolve: Reaffirm and re-expand their rights, and establish rewards for good behaviors.

With empathy, insight, and optimism, Michelle Icard’s advice ensures that a child’s mistake or rebellion doesn’t become the headline of their childhood, but instead becomes a launch pad to a better future.

Originally posted on my blog Nonstop Reader.

Eight Setbacks That Can Make a Child a Success is a clearly written and accessible parenting guide for navigating challenges and turning them into teachable moments written and curated by Michelle Icard. Released 22nd Aug 2023 by Penguin Random House on their Rodale imprint, it's 288 pages and is available in hardcover, audio, and ebook formats.

This books accessibility and "do-ability" for regular everyday parents, facing inevitable challenges raising tweens/teens, is clear eyed and impressive. She gives usable advice for turning crises into teachable moments. She is humorous, clever, and much of her advice is *logical* and when we're in the middle of an emotionally overwhelming situation with our kids, it's good to be prepared beforehand. The situations she covers will be familiar to virtually every parent: issues with rebellion, consideration, personal hygeine, academic performance, family issues, and more.

She deconstructs the background and underlying dynamics in each situation, and gives concrete, sensible advice about how to react and how to positively handle each. Her advice is general enough to be applicable to more than just these 8 situations.

Four and a half stars. This would be an excellent choice for public library acquisition, home use, as well as for school counselors, foster parents, advocates, and similar, for people who work with kids in challenging and difficult situations.

Disclosure: I received an ARC at no cost from the author/publisher for review purposes.

Reading updates

30 September, 2023: Started reading

30 September, 2023: Finished reading

30 September, 2023: Reviewed