Nose Graze — Book reviews
Oh boy. Strap yourselves in, guys. This is going to be one crazy—and slightly ranty—review.
Seriously though. If you don't like ranty reviews, don't read this. And I just want to say that I love the author to bits. I only met her for about 2 minutes, but she seems like a really nice woman and I seriously hope more than anything that she doesn't read this because it would kind of hurt my soul.
Let's start off with my overall enjoyment (or lack thereof) of Left Drowning:
I started off reading Left Drowning hopeful. I thought it would be the shining light of a hot, romantic, contemporary romance that would save me from a reading slump. How wrong I was.
My Rage-y Recap of the Plot
Left Drowning almost immediately takes a bad turn: insta-love. As soon as the troubled, depressed, self-critical Blythe meets Chris, she feels an "inexplicable attraction towards him." Red flag, red flag! But you know what, I decided to deal with it. At this point, I was fairly warmed up to both Blythe and Chris, so I thought I'd just suck it up and deal with the insta-love, thinking that would be the worst of it. But nope, I was wrong again; the worst was yet to come.
"Some people believe in God; I believe in Chris."
—Blythe, page 127
Chris and Blythe are friends, despite her super hot attraction towards him. They're polite and courteous. Then one night, they have a crazy, random, make out/grope session. Chris makes it clear that they've gone too far and can't do that again, but Blythe is amped the fuck up. She's so hot and ready for him and she's OBSESSED with him. All she can think about is Chris, Chris, Chris. For now, Chris is fairly absent and adrift. I keep hearing from Blythe that she's friends with Chris and he's so amazing, but Chris is never on the fucking page. Where is he? Who is he? What is his personality? I have no idea. The only thing I learned about him is that Chris never wants to get married. He doesn't believe in marriage, he thinks it's stupid, and he believes that if two people love each other they don't need a ceremony to prove it.
Fast forward a few weeks, which is actually like one chapter (that's the other thing, I expected each chapter to be a few days at most, but suddenly I'm being told that WEEKS/MONTHS have gone by.. wat) and Blythe jumps Chris in a hotel room. Chris goes:
I can't be your boyfriend Blythe. I'm not boyfriend material.
To which Blythe responds:
I never said I wanted you to be my boyfriend. NOW GET THAT COCK INSIDE OF ME!
Disclaimer: above two quotes have been paraphrased. Not exact quotes.
Cue 5 days of sex sex sex over Christmas break. And as she reaches her final orgasm, she comes to a realization: she's in love with Chris. Obviously it's not just because he made her climax for 5 days straight. There's true love there. Let's ignore the fact that they haven't said as much as 2 words to each other, because obviously that's not important.
I can feel my orgasm start, and the sensation is so intense that it's nearly enough to make me cry. I let it wash over me while I writhe against him like I'm never going to see him again.
[..]
And then I realize what has happened between us tonight.
We just fell in love.
—Pages 244-245
After their sexual escapade, in which Blythe transformed from a virgin to a sex addict willing to fuck a plant, Blythe and Chris return to university.. where Chris starts ignoring her. He pulls away and flat out doesn't exist for like 100 pages. Blythe tells herself she's okay with this because they never agreed to a relationship and she just treasures the moments they spent together naked.
A few months later, she learns that Chris has a girlfriend and has been dating her ever since they got back to university after Christmas. DRAAAAMA! At this point, I hated both characters. On the one hand, I'm mad at Blythe. She literally FLIPS A BITCH, as if she had some sort of claim to Chris even though they weren't dating. They're not a couple, and yet she's in a jealous rage. She's the one who said she didn't want him to be her boyfriend, so she has no right to flip the fuck out. But on the other hand... I also hate Chris. WHAT THE BLOODY FUCKS?? During their 5 days of hot and heavy sex, both characters were like "Omg our connection! Omg our love!! YES YES YES!" Chris was obviously into Blythe in a relationship way; and Blythe was obviously into Chris. So why the fuck does he go find another woman?? I'll tell you why. Because apparently Blythe is "too much" for Chris. She's too intense. She's too amazing. He loves her too much. So naturally, he must find another woman. (Yes, he actually said things like that.)
BUT WAIT! That's not all. Not only is he dating another woman, but he is now ENGAGED to her. That's right, engaged. So apparently he wasn't against the idea of marriage at all, despite his earlier claim. I guess he just didn't want marriage with Blythe.
Now keep in mind that Blythe and Chris have had nothing but sex at this point. They have had no real relationship, they have barely exchanged words other than like, "I'm here for you," "You're safe," "Get your cock inside of me." But despite this, Blythe is in love with him. So when she finds out about his engagement, she goes into a jealous, crying rage. She will never love again! She will never sleep with another man! She is doomed to be heartbroken forever and ever and ever because her one love escaped her!
Around graduation time, Blythe and Chris have one last teary goodbye in which they kiss (yes he technically cheated on his fiancée just then) and he admits to loving her so, so much. But don't worry, he's still going to marry his fiancée. (WTF?)
Fast forward one year.
Yes, the book did that, I am not shitting you.
One year later, Blythe is still in mourning over Chris, her long lost love. She hasn't dated another guy; she refuses to even look at other men. Because... Chris. Oh, Chris.
At this point I'm actually bored even writing this, so I'll speed things up. Chris came to his senses, didn't marry the mystery woman, got back together with Blythe and they had LOTS LOTS LOTS MORE SEX. Then they worked through some intense, deeply rooted issues.. and possibly happily ever after (with therapy).
Conclusion
Throughout my entire read of Left Drowning I could just feel myself not clicking with it. Blythe was in love with Chris before she'd barely spoken to him. And throughout the ENTIRE book they barely speak at all because Chris is "pulling away" for 90% of it (or engaged to another woman). The whole book just left me with a huge sense of "WHAT THE BLOODY FUCK??" Why does Blythe love Chris so much? I don't know. How is she still thinking about him after not seeing him for an entire year? I don't know. All they'd had was sex and she told him about how her parents died. That's it! There weren't long hours of conversation, there was no "falling in love" phase. It was literally 5 nights of sex and then her realizing that she loves him. Because of the sex? I don't know. The sex was the only time when Chris came alive. There he had personality. But outside of the sex? He was an empty shell that was barely even in the book!
And then there's the fact that Blythe never seemed "special" to me. She didn't have that much personality. And yes Chris and his family are OBSESSED with her. She's "amazing" and "the best thing that ever happened to [them]"! What? How? Why? She doesn't even talk that much!
Blythe herself just gets progressively annoying throughout the book. First, when Chris starts dating another woman, she goes into a jealous RAGE! But she and Chris were never dating.. she never had a 'claim' to him. He wasn't cheating on anyone, and yet she's PISSED! Because apparently she loves him soooo much!
Then there's the fact that she has a very "do as I say, not as I do" attitude. I'll let this quote speak for itself:
Seriously, my dear sister, what's with all the travel-size liquor bottles?"
"So what? I had an impulse purchase at the liquor store. You're driving, I thought I'd have a drink." I pour the mini gin into my half-empty bottle of lukewarm tonic water and take a straw from my purse. [..] "What I'm doing is illegal and stupid. So don't ever drink in a car."
"I don't plan to."
"And you shouldn't be driving with a passenger who is drinking."
"I know that!"
—Page 298
Blythe tells her brother to never drive with a passenger who is drinking, WHILE SHE'S POURING HERSELF A DRINK IN THE CAR! So basically, "Don't illegally drink in the car, or drive with people who are, except for this one time" ???
Then there was this whole thing about Blythe complaining that it was sooo embarrassing that she can't run a marathon! Poor Blythe.
"I can do a half marathon, but not a whole fucking one. [..] Don't tell anyone. It's embarrassing."
—Blythe, page 312
So to everyone out there who can't run a marathon (me!): you should be embarassed!!
Ugh.. just.. this book. The romance was honestly horrible. Because: there was no romance. It honestly didn't exist. I felt zero love between Chris and Blythe. Sure they had some sexual chemistry, but nothing they did built up to love. It all screamed "instant".
I wanted to DNF this book so badly, but I didn't, because I wanted to hold out for the "big twist" at the end. But, that was also a let down because I honestly guessed the entire twist ever since the first "flashback" thing at the beginning. It didn't come as a shock to me at all. So that was ruined.
If you can click with this book, and somehow not hate Chris for being an annoying douchebag, I think you might like this book. I feel like a lot of the pieces are there, it just didn't work for me at all. It's supposed to be emotional and intense, it is pretty hot, the sex is good... but god. Put it all together and none of it worked for me (except maybe the hot sex scenes). Honestly, there's still a lot I have to say about the book (especially with regards to the side characters), but I can't get past the big fat asshole that is Chris.