Originally posted on Once Upon a Bookcase.
I've had If You Could Be Mine by Sara Farizan for a while. It's one I wanted to read because it sounded like it would be an incredible book, but also one I've been putting off because the subject matter had me thinking it would be a difficult read. And although I didn't hate it, I wasn't really a huge fan of it, either. Though this is because I didn't like what the characters were doing, I guess the book did it's job?
Sahar has been in love with her best friend Nasrin ever since they were six years old, but because homosexuality is illegal in Iran, to the extent that sometimes leads to death. their relationship is kept secret. But when Nasrin's parents arrange a marriage for her, the two have more to deal with than just the prospect of being caught. But when Sahar meets Parveen, a friend of her cousin Ali's, she thinks she's found the answer. Parveen is transsexual, and Sahar discovers while being gay is illegal, being trans is not; it's seen an illness, a biological mistake, and transgender people can receive reassignment surgery for free. Sahar decides if she can't be with Nasrin as a girl, she will become a man for her. But is her love worth changing who she is?
So I had problems with Sahar's attitude towards her transitioning into a man. I completely understood why she wanted to go down that path - there was no other way she could be with Nasrin - but at the same time, she just completely takes advantage of people and resources for actual transgender people. She has moments of real selfishness, where, at a support group for trans people, she wants those talking to hurry up and finish so she can speak, and ask about how she can begin transitioning. She does feel for the people she meets, for maybe a split second, but mainly she's thinking about herself. She takes advantage of Parveen's friendship, is almost without empathy for the trans experience that it doesn't even really occur to her that what she is doing is wrong. And that just didn't sit right with me.
Saying that, like Sahar, I was surprised to find that Katayoun, a trans woman Sahar meets through the support group, not only accepts how her country treats gay people, but is all for it. I know gender identity and sexual orientation are not really related, but I would have thought those who are discriminated against - and trans people are discriminated against, even if being trans isn't illegal - would feel comradeship with each other, but no.
'"It's safe to... Well, to be one's self here. I mean, there is less of a chance of judgement or, I don't know, more of a chance for people who, I imagine, are sympathetic.""I'm not like them! You hear me? What they do is unnatural." She whispers as her eyes train on a table of two men giving each other affectionate glances...."I'm sorry, I thought--""Thought what? That I am the same as these... these perverts, just because I am different?"..."My illness is treatable. Their malady is a bargain made with the devil. The Republic knows that, the Koran knows that, and you damn well better know that if you are to survive in this society."'(p150-151)
I also didn't like Nasrin. She wanted - expected - her relationship with Sahar to continue after she's married, even though adultery is also illegal. She wanted to have her cake and eat it. It was like she didn't seem to fully grasp or care just how precarious their situation was, or how worse it would be if they carried on. And she herself was in some kind of denial, because she said she wasn't gay, and was judgemental around other gay people. And they way she bossed Sahar around, I just didn't feel like she really cared, despite her moments of crying and declaring how in love with Sahar she was. So it was even harder for me to excuse what Sahar was doing, because not only was she doing something terrible, she was doing it for a spoilt, entitled brat.
So I didn't like the characters or their decisions, so I didn't enjoy the story. This isn't always the case, but this time, it just wasn't one I really enjoyed. That doesn't make it a bad story however, just one that isn't for me. Do read other reviews before deciding whether or not to read If You Could Be Mine.