Tell Me Again How a Crush Should Feel

by Sara Farizan

[nannah]

Ugh, I don't know how to feel about this book! I don't know what to think.
On one hand, it's incredibly diverse, and that's great! But then again, Sara Farizan doesn't always handle that diversity well, which is . . . not so great. :/

Book content warnings (whew here we go):
homophobia/biphobia/lesbophobia
transphobia
homophobic & biphobic stereotypes
lesbophobic slurs
forced coming-out
Jewish slurs
sexual harassment
cissexism
unhealthy relationships
(and probably more . . . )

A high-school junior, Leila is a student at a preppy academy, a 1st generation Persian immigrant, and unknown to anyone, a lesbian. Life is hard enough already without anyone knowing about that.

But when new-student Saskia enters her life, Leila is immediately smitten and has a harder time hiding herself from everyone, including herself. But Saskia brings with her a whole world of drama, and Leila wonders if Saskia's even a good person, if her feelings for her are real or superficial, and what it really means (re: title) to have a crush.

So, what this book does really well:
- the main character dealing with her emotions/becoming familiar with her sexuality, especially coming from a traditional Persian family, etc.
- the relationship between Leila and her family (this is done SO well)
- the relationship between Leila and Lisa (I won't get into this too much to not spoil anything, but it's very sweet)
- basically the main and lots of secondary characters are done Very well, and it's so lovely to witness
- that ending! it wraps up in such a satisfactory way, that I momentarily forgot everything I disliked about it and just reveled in that beautiful ending :'))

What this book . . . really doesn't do well: (and it's a lot)
- bi representation
--- Lisa, a bi character, vehemently denies the label of bi, instead just wanting to be "____sexual", and haven't we all seen that 1000 times in the media? Everyone hates the b word!!
--- Saskia. We don't know her sexuality. We assume she's straight ("I can't even look at my own vagina in a mirror! ew!"(cissexism warning), but then again she looks at Leila with lust in her eye, and goes out of her way to continue to kiss her and pursue her, so . . . is she curious? Does she have internalized hobophobia? We don't know. But it DOES seem like she's falling into the evil, promiscuous, and over-sexualized bisexual stereotype that needs to die. :/

- transphobic stereotypes
--- Toward the end of the book, Leila and the only gay character team up to help middle school students put on Cinderella with a twist: Cinderella is . . . non-gender conforming? At least that's what they said. But . . . when we actually see the play, the character of Cinderella is simply performed by a boy in a dress who's speaking in falsetto for laughs. That's . . . simple transphobia there, not anything non-gender conforming. The book even specified it was done for humor, so . . .

- bad representation of lgbt ppl in general
--- The only gay character is someone named Tomas, who's a very flamboyant man. Now that's not bad, because many gay men are flamboyant, but Tomas enjoys being a straight woman's accessory, openly hates "hardcore lesbians", and lives only for other people's drama without having any other character--or character development. He has no other personality, and even says he wants/has no other connections than what will give him drama.
--- There's a group of stagehands Leila meets who she (and everyone else) assumes are lesbians. She has this superior attitude throughout the entire book of "not like other lesbians" and even goes as far to say "will I end up like them? will I date someone like them??". AKA, lesbians who are feminists, lesbians who don't shave their legs, lesbians who aren't very feminine, etc. I don't know what Sara Farizan has against lesbians, but what the hell.

Anyway, it's sooo tough to rate this book, or even like it? Because there was so much that I didn't like about that made it tough to enjoy. Even if there was much I did like about it!