Jane Blond International Spy

by Brianna Schatt and Stan Schatt

This was a right mess. The plot was all over the place and the characters weren't far behind. The writing reads like a middle grade novel but I would be hesitant to let impressionable minds read blatant bullying. Jane is unlikable. The book is littered with her vitriol.

How could Mom kiss that fat turd?

I prayed no one in the restaurant recognized me because I was embarrassed by the way Bruce stuffed everything in his mouth. He was like those people who had been prisoners of war eating their first meal after being freed in a war movie. “Do you want your roll?” Bruce asked. I saw that his hand was already poised over my roll so I shook my head and watched him pounce on it.


And perhaps more concerning, adult vitriol.

“I was over at Anouk’s house,” I said. The lie came easy to my lips because I’d used it so often. “You two spend an awful lot of time together. I’m not sure what you see in her. She dresses like a homeless person.”

I heard a commotion and then Mrs. Packer came into the room. She saw Bruce, still sitting with his head down, and rushed up to him. She was a large woman, and she hugged Bruce so tightly that I thought he’d faint. I heard her talking softly, but I couldn’t make out the words. She straightened up and looked at me. “It’s all your fault. You could have gotten Bruce killed,” she said. I saw Bruce roll his eyes. “It’s not Jane’s fault. I told her I wanted to come with her,” Bruce said. Mrs. Packer ignored her son and continued to glare at me. “You have my poor son wrapped around your finger. You are not welcome anymore at our home,” she said.

The clapping didn’t drown out some hecklers. I could tell some of the parents had been drinking because their words were slurred. “Fall on your butts,” I heard one man with a large red nose shout. One woman who had an angry expression and very thin lips shouted, “If my daughters were that ugly, I’d think about a head transplant!”


Then there's gems like this.

Anouk’s a wonderful caring person and a great friend, as well as the smartest person I know; I’d do anything in the world for her, and I know she’d do the same for me. The sad truth is, though, that she just isn’t the kind of girl Bret would want to take to a concert. Then it hit me. Bret’s too shy to ask me because he’s afraid I’ll say no. He asked Anouk because he knew she’d accept. He really only asked her and Sam so he could be there with me. That made sense.

Apparently the only way anyone would ever consider her supposed friend is if they were actually only after her. I'm sure many people have these thoughts - but is it really appropriate in a middle grade novel? And even when she comes to the conclusion that maybe Bret is just not interested in her she writes him off altogether.

Why did I care if Bret wanted to take out Anouk? What did I really know about Bret? He was cute and smart, but I realized I’d never really said much besides hello to him. For all I knew, he could be really boring and self-centered. In fact, I thought, Bret was probably very self-centered. He probably thought he was better than me because he had a father with a title. How silly it must be to have people call you “Sir Roger”? I began to feel better. I felt sure now that I didn’t like Bret at all. Then I thought about poor Anouk. Bret would probably drop her as soon as he saw someone else he liked better. That would kill her. Anouk wouldn’t be able to handle the rejection. What could I do to protect my friend?

Seriously? Seriously?
Jane is kind of an asshole.


The way the adults react to danger is also appalling.


“Come in the living room quickly. You won’t believe your eyes!” I ran into the living room where I saw the TV was on. I saw attendants carrying a body to a waiting ambulance. I strained to get a better look at the figure on the stretcher because he looked familiar. “It’s Bruce,” Mom said. “I don’t understand,” I said. “Someone shot him right in front of his house as he was leaving for school. This was taped from earlier this morning,” Mom said. I stared at the screen and felt numb. It all was my fault! The email I sent him to set a trap for the terrorists had caused them to try to get rid of Bruce because he knew too much. I might as well have pulled the trigger myself. I sat in the living room’s most uncomfortable chair, put my head in my hands, and began to cry. “I have to go to the hospital. I’m responsible,” I said. Mom looked up at me, and I saw her lips tighten. “It’s one thing to do something stupid that puts you at risk. It’s another to do something that puts someone else in danger. I can’t believe you did this.” “I didn’t think it through. I never thought the terrorists would go after anyone but me,” I said. “I don’t think you will ever forgive yourself if Bruce doesn’t pull through,” Mom said.

A boy is shot. He may be dead. Your daughter thinks it's her fault and you're first instinct is to blame her too? There are lots of things I can overlook in spy novels - especially middle grade and young adult spy novels - because they're fiction. I understand when Alex Rider goes after terrorists or Cherub kids take down cults or someone like Cadel Piggott can hack into any database in the world. I even understand absent parents or uninterested parents. What I do not understand or am willing to accept is parents - adults - who purposefully go out of their way to be hurtful. The reality is they're adults. They should know better. And in this instance we're talking about a 14 year old girl. She screwed up. She knows she screwed up. You don't have to make her feel worse.

But let's face it this book has whole other issues.

I got angry because the guards treated me the same way they treated someone who looked like a terrorist. I’ve never heard of a single fourteen-year-old female terrorist.

Same way they treated someone who LOOKED like a terrorist? What way would that be? Mind you at this point she's only standing in line for security checks. Get over yourself kid. Besides security is designed to prevent violence. Sure, terrorism is a major concern but not all violence is terrorist related. Mass shootings for instance have a variety of motivations including anger and mental illnesses.

Freedom of speech is really important and I'm not saying the authors should not have written a book that expressed their views. I'm saying they shouldn't include blatant hate and distrust of foreigners in a book that is written for middle graders. Pigeonholing all terrorists as Muslim is unfair and unwarranted. And I highly doubt middle graders would be able to read such views and be able to determine that this is a generalization, not a reality.

And then there's this lovely comment.

“My ex is probably behind this as well. I probably should have slapped her harder when I had the chance so she wouldn’t tell lies about me,” Dad shouted.

Charming.

Of course Jane barely reacts - apparently she's just embarrassed by his yelling and has somewhere else to be. She doesn't even confront her mother or think about that statement at all because later when her uncle mentions that her father hit her mum and it was stated in their divorce she is surprised. But there's no proper response - like I don't know outrage? Anger that her father did that. Sadness that her mum suffered through that. Disbelief she wasn't told or she didn't know? Disgust for her dad? Something beyond "I was stunned. “Mom never said anything about Dad hitting her,” I said. No shit.

The end. No seriously. There's like two more pages and then lights out.