Why do people kill themselves? Doesn’t it always boil down to pain? There is pain in the body or the heart or the soul or the mind or all of the above. Body pain is obvious. Heart pain is the pain that comes from others, when they love you too much or not enough or the wrong way. Soul pain comes from feeling your life is one big waste. Mind pain is what I can’t figure out. It’s like when you throw body, heart, and soul pain into a blender, then you add a cup of disgust at all that you are, at all that you’ve become, at all that you will ever be.
So with my father’s question, the only answer I have is because it hurt. The words that settled forever in my head, the ones that kept rising endlessly out of nowhere, the words that others spoke, they hurt. All of it hurt, inside and out, everywhere.
