When I wake up, all my friends are dead.
Well. That's how you start a book. I mean, talk about grabbing me from the start! Not that it even needed to, because I'd read Mindy McGinnis's shopping list, so. Okay look, I think it's pretty clear by the subject matter, synopsis, and first line that this book is going to be dark as hell. But also, most of Mindy's stuff is, so again, no surprise.
We meet Mickey, after that killer (ha, sorry, had to) opening, as her car crashes. And then we travel to actual hell and back with her. Mickey's life completely revolves around softball. This is something I wholly related to, as my entire world from the ages of 7-20 revolved around swimming. Mickey would have done straight up anything to keep playing softball, and I feel like I'd have done the same. I think a lot of athletes can relate to Mickey's situation- who among us hasn't pushed through injuries we shouldn't? Only, Mickey's is worse than tendinitis or some such problem, Mickey's is legit life-changing surgery.
So, she does what she has to. And this is where the author excels, at making it wholly believable that this kid who has spent her whole life otherwise on the straight-and-narrow is now a drug addict. Sure, it starts out as a prescription, which is often the case. And then... it morphs into something more sinister. Truly, it's such an important message. Drug addicts are often looked down upon, when in reality, it can happen to any of us.
The book not only explores Mickey's addiction, but it explores every other aspect of her life. Friendships (both her teammates pre-accident, and new friends post-accident), are incredibly fleshed out. And the drug-addicted friends, even the dealers, are as a whole a very likable bunch! The destruction of stereotypes here is not only refreshing, but incredibly important. None of these people are monsters, they have a legitimate illness. It also explores Mickey's family dynamics in-depth, in a way that feels incredibly honest and realistic.
I only had one issue that saved this from being a full five-star for me. 'Tis spoilery, so proceed with caution! So we know from the first page that her friends are dead. But the book doesn't end at their death, it delves deeper into her recovery. And while I fully understand why she is in panic/self-preservation mode at the time of their death (this isn't a spoiler by the way- it's in the first chapter) why she never fully seems to like, grieve them confuses me. Like- she feels bad, yes. Survivor's guilt, yes. But the actual feelings for them seem missing, and I feel like as she recovered, she'd have to deal with a LOT of residual feelings? But anyway, yeah, after spending a huge chunk of the book caring for these young people taken from the world too soon, I wanted Mickey to care as much as I did, I suppose.
Bottom Line: Dark, compelling, timely, and wholly necessary, this is a book that will break your heart as you weave your way through Mickey's life- and start to care for all the players.