The Planet Thieves (Planet Thieves, #1)

by Dan Krokos

[nannah]

Okay … The Planet Thieves has to be the most frightening book I’ve read all year. Is it a horror book? Nah. But it terrified me all the same. It feels like a very conservative novel meant to make 8-12yos want to join the military. It’s a military recruitment tool.

Content warnings:
ableist language (cr*ppled is EVERYWHERE in the prose!)
antisemitism mention (e.g., the enemies could even be LIZARD PEOPLE)
basically everything I explained above …

This review is pretty harsh and judgmental, sorry. Be prepared. It took me all week to write.

Thirteen-year-old Mason Stark, his best friend, Merrin, and his fellow cadets aboard the SS Egypt were just part of a routine voyage when they were attacked by their alien enemy, the Tremist. When all the other officers are killed or captured, Mason is appointed caption, and it’s up to him and the cadets to save their other officers and find out the mysteries behind the Tremist and what they’re after aboard the Egypt.

Oh, boy. There is so much. So. Much to deal with here. The prose and the writing is a mess, but so is the plot. It’s a small book and a quick read, but it tries to do so much without room to do so. The beginning half of the book deals with Mason’s struggle to find out why the Tremist targeted his ship, which feels a lot like Orson Scott Card’s Ender’s Game, and then the second half plunges into some ludicrous plot taking a lot of inspiration from H.G. Well’s The Time Machine. The pacing seems way off for such a quick read. It’s over so fast, but the plot tries to be so vast--the effect comes off as strange, awkward, and leaves me with a taste of “that’s it?” in my mouth.

I mentioned weak writing but it was Really Weak. “Nori-Blue had rivers and lakes and edible plants that grew fruits more delicious than any on Earth” ; “Tom spit on the ground and bent over, like he was about to throw up. Merrin put her hands over her mouth. Mason wanted to do the same things they were doing, [...] but he didn’t.” There’s also compound words missing hyphens, other editing errors, etc. In the first half, for every page taking place in the present, there’s two more going into backstory, most of it unnecessary.

Then there’s everything I mentioned in the beginning: the book feels like a military recruitment tool aimed at middle-grade readers. First there’s the glorification of the military in general (these characters are so honored and proud to have their grandparents serve and etc.), then there’s the targeting of anyone who’s “different” from them. Especially those who look like … the “Enemy”, aka the Tremist, even if it happens to be your friends. Suddenly it’s “ARE YOU TREMIST? ARE YOU THE ENEMY?”, aka you’re us or you’re them kind of mindset. There’s also the “you have to be a MAN” type bullsh*t. In the text, it’s that Mason can’t cry and be a man at the same time; pain is for soldiers to know they’re strong. There’s also this frightening line: “Be prideful of the uniform, but not of your abilities”.

Not only that, but even though the book has some diverse characters (mentioned in the background, of course. The cover makes it seem like Mason is black but … lmao, no, he’s not), they’re just described as you would normally expect. At one point the book says where people come from on Earth isn’t important, because Earth has become so diverse and mixed. But then suddenly this Swedish kid comes by, and the book completely pauses to describe him: “Stellan was the tallest of them, and bone thin, with hollow cheeks, like he never got enough food at mealtime. His hair was so blond it was almost white. He was from a country called Sweden ([...]), and Mason wondered if all people from Sweden looked looked like him.” Then it goes into how Mason admires him for his unique strength or something, something the book hasn’t done for anyone else. It’s like … the book paused to describe and glorify the one kid who was what, Aryan?

Could I be reaching? Sure. But with all the elements? This book is scary. It’s also written by a white hardcore gamer (stereotyping here, but I’ve listened to my brother and his friends talk, and I’ve heard about what they talk about on 4chan, now 8chan. I can just see someone from there want to write a military propaganda novel for middle-grade readers …).

Anyway, yeah. This book scared me, and it wasn’t written well, even looking past that (past my own biases and stereotyping and fears). I think it’s definitely my least favorite read from this year -- and probably the last couple years, too.