Kill the Farm Boy by Kevin Hearne, Delilah S. Dawson

Kill the Farm Boy (Tales of Pell, #1)

by Kevin Hearne and Delilah S. Dawson

In an irreverent series in the tradition of Monty Python, the bestselling authors of the Iron Druid Chronicles and Star Wars: Phasma reinvent fantasy, fairy tales, and floridly written feast scenes.

Once upon a time, in a faraway kingdom, a hero, the Chosen One, was born . . . and so begins every fairy tale ever told.

This is not that fairy tale.

There is a Chosen One, but he is unlike any One who has ever been Chosened.

And there is a faraway kingdom, but you have never been to a magical world quite like the land of Pell.

There, a plucky farm boy will find more than he’s bargained for on his quest to awaken the sleeping princess in her cursed tower. First there’s the Dark Lord, who wishes for the boy’s untimely death . . . and also very fine cheese. Then there’s a bard without a song in her heart but with a very adorable and fuzzy tail, an assassin who fears not the night but is terrified of chickens, and a mighty fighter more frightened of her sword than of her chain-mail bikini. This journey will lead to sinister umlauts, a trash-talking goat, the Dread Necromancer Steve, and a strange and wondrous journey to the most peculiar “happily ever after” that ever once-upon-a-timed. 

Reviewed by Melanie on

3 of 5 stars

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Review originally posted at BooksOfMyHeart.net.

3.5 stars

I’m a huge Kevin Hearne fan, so I had no problems grabbing up this first book in his new, Tales of Pell series I haven’t read Delilah S. Dawson before, but she has been on my radar to try for some time (I really need more time to read all the books on my radar, said every booklover in the world). I was even more excited when it was announced Luke Daniels was going to do the narration.

So Kill the Farm Boy hits pretty much every fantasy trope and a ton of fairytale mentions, too. If you’re a fan of dad jokes, this is a book you will love. There are so many dad jokes. And puns. More puns that you can imagine. Some are pretty groan worthy, if you like that sorta thing, then look no further.

Basically, here’s our ragtag group:
- Poltro, the rogue. She has a huge fear of chickens, but isn’t scared of anything else. She’s also a bit of clutz.

- Argabella, is a bard. When we come across her, she’s living in a castle where everyone else is asleep. She’s a bard because that is what her father wanted. She wants to be an accountant. Oh, and she’s half bunny.

- Fia is a warrior. She’s huge, like seven foot tall. She’s also a vegetarian, but has a sword that craves blood. She just wants to raise roses. Oh, and she wears a chainmail bikini.

- Toby is a really bad wizard. He calls himself a “Dark Lord”, but the title doesn’t really fit him (that’s the point). Most of his powers come from shooting bread from his fingers. He has quite the obsession with cheeses.

- Gustave is a goat, who is given the ability to talk early in the story. He has quite an obsession with his poo (there is much talk of spreading pellets) and old boots for him to eat.

Other characters:
- Grinda, the sand witch (yes, you read that right).
- Staph, the pixie with one blue sock.
- Worstley, the farm boy, also known as”Pooboy” and his brother, Bestly.
- The dreaded necromancer, Steve.
- Also, trolls, elves, giants, talking animals (in addition to Gustave) and more.

The marketing says it is similar to Terry Prachett (which I’ve never read) and The Princess Bride (which I haven’t read, but LOVED the movie) story. I will say because I wasn’t very familiar with either of these books, I didn’t know what I was getting into. This book is full of satire, which is something I’m just not a huge fan of. It is a little over the top. I think Monty Python or Mel Brooks comparisons could’ve been used in the marketing.

“Assassins Anonymous. They teach you how to follow the One Step for Not Murdering Someone.”

“What’s the one step?” Gustave asked.

“You don’t murder them.”

“Huh. Sounds like a solid program with a refreshing lack of nuance.”


“Is Poltro okay?” she asked.

“If you mean, is Poltro asleep and probably as stupid as ever, then I would say definitely yes.”


I liked this book, but didn’t love it. I think some of the jokes and puns were just a little too much for me. I think some jokes ran on a little too long (I have this same issue with Family Guy. I hate that stupid rooster). I think I also hyped myself to love it so much, that I might have been a bit disappointed (something I’m familiar with here too). I start reading, expecting it to blow my mind and when it doesn’t, I feel a little let down. I shouldn’t.

This is a fun book. I enjoyed it. I came to love the characters fairly quickly (some faster than others, but I did enjoy the entire team by the end). I really want to see where they go from here. I will probably read the next book, more for the characters than some of the silly puns and stuff. I know there are a lot of people who really love that stuff. For me, this story was more over the top than I would like, but like I said, the characters are worth it. I know I’m being a bit wishy washy here, but that’s kinda how I feel.

Narration
To anyone who has listened to Luke Daniels narrate any book, you know he is a rock star. He really nails the narration. There are a ton of talking animals, there is part-bunny woman who sings, there are trolls and pixies and more. So many different characters and he nailed them all. He really brought out all the emotions of each character. You could really feel Gustave’s love of boots and Toby’s love for cheeses. Luke Daniels really brings this story to life.

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Reading updates

  • Started reading
  • 15 July, 2018: Finished reading
  • 15 July, 2018: Reviewed