Ace: What Asexuality Reveals About Desire, Identity, and the Meaning of Sex

by Angela Chen

[Joséphine]

Initial thoughts: This book gave me a lot to think about as it made me reflect on my own experiences from growing up to dating to not wanting to date and beyond. It put words to feelings I had but never quite figured out how to express.

Concepts such as consent not just being distillable to “yes or no” but different types of “yes” ranging from enthusiastic to coercion, for example, helped me understand how and why I ended up in situations I hadn’t actually wanted to be in but felt like I couldn’t escape. Deeper explanations like that helped me address feelings I’ve had with regards to past relationships.

Ace also made me wrestle once again with my own identity. While I’ve identified with demi/grey-A experiences to a large degree, I’ve never claimed any of these labels. Reading this book led me to think about why that is.

Beyond my personal reflections however, I thought Ace was beautifully nuanced as Chen set out to examine a broad spectrum of intersections, including aces with disabilities and/or mental illnesses, or various gender identities. She examined the position of A in LGBTQIA+, and why some do while some don’t consider themselves queer.