How Not to Fall Apart: Lessons Learned on the Road from Self-Harm to Self-Care

by Maggy van Eijk

"She’s [Maggy is] really funny . . . If I had a self-destructive young adult in my life . . . this is probably the book I’d get her.” —The New York Times Book Review 

“How Not to Fall Apart is the book that finally understands mental health, and it'll make you feel infinitely less alone.” —HelloGiggles

Featured in The New York Post, Lenny Letter, BuzzFeed, and more.

What no one tells you about living with anxiety and depression—learned the hard way
 
Maggy van Eijk knows the best place to cry in public. She also knows that eating super salty licorice or swimming in icy cold water are things that make you feel alive but, unlike self-harm, aren't bad for you.

These are the things to remember when you're sad.

Turning 27, Maggy had the worst mental health experience of her life so far. She ended a three-year relationship. She lost friends and made bad decisions. She drank too much and went to ER over twelve times. She saw three different therapists and had three different diagnoses. She went to two burn units for self-inflicted wounds and was escorted in an ambulance to a mental health crisis center. But that's not the end of her story.

Punctuated with illustrated lists reminiscent of Maggy's popular BuzzFeed posts, How Not to Fall Apart shares the author's hard-won lessons about what helps and what hurts on the road to self-awareness and better mental health. This is a book about what it's like to live with anxiety and depression, panic attacks, self-harm and self-loathing--and it's also a hopeful roadmap written by someone who's been there and is still finding her way.

• ISBN10: 0143133497
• ISBN13: 9780143133490
• Publish Date: 4 September 2018
• Publish Status: Active
• Publish Country: US
• Publisher: Penguin Putnam Inc
• Imprint: TarcherPerigee
• Format: Paperback (US Trade)
• Pages: 256
• Language: English
• URL: https://penguinrandomhouse.com/books/isbn/9780143133490

Reviews

[Joséphine]

Actual rating: 4.5 stars

Initial thoughts: While How Not to Fall Apart is a memoir, it's well-organised into various aspects of life in general, which covers relationships with family, friends, and dating partners, work, and personal interests. I recommend this book to three groups of people.

1. People with diagnosed mental illness(es), as a reminder that they are not alone and to possibly discover further coping mechanisms; albeit with trigger warnings regarding self-harm and (non-graphic) recount of sexual assault)
2. People with undiagnosed mental illness(es), that they might recognise their need for professional help and overcome the stigma that might prevent them from admitting they need help.
3. People with no mental illnesses, so that they may better understand how mental illnesses can manifest, gain insight into what it means to live with mental illnesses and to learn more about how they can relate to and help their loved ones who struggle with mental illnesses

As van Eijk reflects on her personal experiences, she considers them in the framework of her anxiety and depression. She then reframes them in accordance with what she has learnt through counselling and cognitive behaviour therapy. She injects hope into her personal narrative as she notes down tips that help her deal with her anxiety and depression.

I found this book to be insightful and commend the author for her courage to speak up, share her journey with mental illnesses. Even as she battles self-doubt and grapples with the aftermath of sexual assault, she explains that victims aren't at fault yet why guilt still grips them anyway.