Laurie
Written on Aug 10, 2019
"Profoundly moving . . . Will take your breath away." —Kathleen Glasgow, author of Girl in Pieces
"Give this to all your friends immediately . . . It tackles mental health, depression, sexual identity, and anxiety with beauty and empathy." —Cosmopolitan.com
A Kirkus Reviews Best Book of the Year
A Chicago Public Library Best of the Best of the Year
Biz knows how to float, right there on the surface—normal okay regular fine. She has her friends, her mom, the twins. She has Grace. And she has her dad, who shouldn't be here but is. So Biz doesn't tell anyone anything—not about her dark, runaway thoughts, not about kissing Grace or noticing Jasper, the new boy. And not about seeing her dad. Because her dad died when she was seven.
But after what happens on the beach, the tethers that hold Biz steady come undone. Her dad disappears and, with him, all comfort. It might be easier, better, sweeter to float all the way away? Or maybe stay a little longer, find her father, bring him back to her. Or maybe—maybe maybe maybe—there's a third way Biz just can't see yet.
Debut author Helena Fox tells a story about love, grief, and inter-generational mental illness, exploring the hard and beautiful places loss can take us, and honoring those who hold us tightly when the current wants to tug us out to sea.
"I haven't been so dazzled by a YA in ages." —Jandy Nelson, author of I'll Give You the Sun (via SLJ)
"Mesmerizing and timely." —Bustle
"Nothing short of exquisite." —PopSugar
"Immensely satisfying" —Girls' Life
* "Lyrical and profoundly affecting." —Kirkus (starred review)
* "Masterful...Just beautiful." —Booklist (starred review)
* "Intimate...Unexpected." —PW (starred review)
* "Fox writes with superb understanding and tenderness." —BCCB (starred review)
* "Frank [and] beautifully crafted." —BookPage (starred review)
"Deeply moving...A story of hope." —Common Sense Media
"This book will explode you into atoms." —Margo Lanagan, author of Tender Morsels
"Helena Fox's novel delivers. Read it." —Cath Crowley, author of Words in Deep Blue
"This is not a book; it is a work of art." —Kerry Kletter, author of The First Time She Drowned
"Perfect...Readers will be deeply moved." —Books+Publishing
- ISBN10 052555436X
- ISBN13 9780525554363
- Publish Date 5 May 2020 (first published 7 May 2019)
- Publish Status Active
- Out of Print 25 June 2024
- Publish Country US
- Publisher Penguin Putnam Inc
- Imprint Dial Books for Young Readers,US
- Format Paperback (US Trade)
- Pages 400
- Language English
- URL https://penguinrandomhouse.com/books/isbn/9780525554363
Reviews
lauriesbookshelf
Written on Aug 10, 2019
layawaydragon
Written on Aug 4, 2019
I was broken between Biz and her mother, the inverted version of me & mine and maybe the future with my daughter.
I did google the movie Biz talked about, and that helped quite a bit with her parents and their relationships.
How It Feels To Float feels so right, terrifying and hopeful. I’m glad it didn’t go down The Beautiful Mind route. I mean, I loved that movie at the time, but we so need to move on from it.
I’m glad I read it. I hope others read it too. I hope they learn and research and become better. But enjoy it? Eh....perhaps it’s a defense mechanism or just plain anxiety, where as much as I want representation I worry about what the neurotypicals will do armed with it.
But it is great.
Run Down:
>Exploring sexuality
>Accidental ableism
>Dead father
>Terrible mysterious past
>Slow reveal suicide
>Single mother
>Younger twin siblings
>Breakdown, detachment, hallucinations, edited memory,
>Motorcycle rides
>Almost drowning
>Running away on a modern coming of age quest
>Cute, friendly, verge of something couple
>Dropping out of school
>Sweet understanding grandma friend
>Photography classes
Jo
Written on Jun 23, 2019
Back in April, Cait of Paper Fury posted an interview with Helena Fox about her debut novel, How It Feels to Float, and I was completely sold and ordered myself a copy. One of the best decisions I ever made, because this book is absolutely beautiful. It's an absolutely incredible story of grief, of friendship, of love, and of mental illness.
Biz's father died nine years ago, and she's never really got over it. But he visits her, and tells her stories about when she was young. But after she almost drowns and is rescued by new boy Jasper, and things fall apart with her friend Grace, she loses her dad all over again, and finds herself in the grip of overwhelming sadness. So she escapes the only way she knows how, and floats above it all, wondering if things would be better if she just floats away completely. Despite the friends she makes in grandmotherly Sylvia she meets in a photography course, and then her grandson, who coincidentally happens to be Jasper, Biz's mental health continues to deteriorate when the photos she takes start to talk to her. And she discovers there might just be a way to get her dad back.
How It Feels to Float is a difficult book to talk about, because while a lot happens, it's a lot in regards to Biz's mental health and how it deteriorates. She's confused a lot of the time; is she ok, is she better? She's not sure, even though to us, the readers, she clearly isn't. Not when she wonders if she's even real, if she actually exists, and starts to think of herself as a cloud, and various other things as her thoughts run away from her as she floats. She is so vulnerable, so on the edge, with the idea of real escape hovering at the edges of her mind. But other people think she is getting better, because she's up and out and doing things, rather than just in bed like she was. Biz doesn't talk about most of what is happening to her and what she experiences, so most of Biz's deterioration isn't seen - which just allows her to get worse.
But that's more to do with Biz not talking rather than people not actually seeing. People are there; her mum, Sylvia, Jasper. She doesn't necessarily behave erratically, it's her thoughts, those that run away with her, those that go on a loop and make no sense, but also do, because we get to see her thoughts and how she thinks, and of course she would think like this. It's absolutely the strangest thing, because it's like with every thought, we're seeing her disintegrate, more and more, and I was just so worried she might just disappear. Which sounds ridiculous, I know, but the more her mental health deteriorates, the less it feels like is keeping her grounded. With my anxiety, I have had a little experience with disassociation, but what Biz experiences is just terrifying. While she experiences suicide ideation, it also feels like she might just check out completely mentally. The more she "floats," the more likely it seems that she might just not come back. And god knows what that looks like to the people around her when it happens, as it does occasionally in the presence of others.
How It Feels to float is genuinely such a excruciating and heartbreaking story, because there is absolutely nothing you can do but watch it happen. But at the same time, it's written so, so beautifully, it's just gorgeous, and the combination of beautiful, lyrical writing alongside the deterioration of a character's mental health is just brilliant. Because it's so jarring to have something so terrifying sound so beautiful - not just in the language, how things are worded, but in articulating those thoughts and those experiences... I don't know if I'm making much sense. As someone with anxiety, it can be really difficult to explain what it feels like, the thoughts I have, and what I think about those thoughts and how it feels. To have someone put all those things into words articulately, but also doing so in such a beautiful way... it's incredible, but it's also very jarring. It's rose petals around shards of glass. It just makes it all the more terrifying for me, seeing where Biz's thoughts go.
I really, really need to talk about Biz's friendships with Sylvia and Jasper. They're both different, but they're both so pure, and so important, and full of such genuine care. It doesn't matter that Sylvia is 80-odd and Biz is 16, their friendship just works, and it's so, so beautiful. Sylvia sees that Biz needs some help in the photography class, takes her under her wing, and sees without being told that Biz is going through some things. And so she is just there for her. She knows when to just be quiet, she knows when to talk about something else, she knows when to just show that she cares, and just be there with her. She doesn't push her, she doesn't ask questions. It's like she just knows, and she just loves her. Their friendship is just magical and so gorgeous. And Jasper, he and Biz don't get off to the best start, but once they get over that, they're friendship is so important. It's almost like Jasper's friendship brings Biz back to life, even while she's deteriorating. And yeah, he makes some mistakes because he's only young himself, and doesn't know exactly what's going on, but not only do they really get on, but again, he genuinely cares about her, and it's so beautiful to see.
No labels or diagnoses are used in this book, so we don't know exactly what Biz is dealing with, but from my reading, I think she has depression and anxiety. I have thoughts about other possible mental illnesses she may have, but I don't know enough about them to feel confident enough saying so. However, in her acknowledgements, Fox mentions that she has complex PTSD, anxiety disorder, dissociative disorder, and clinical depression, so Biz may have all or a variety of these. But I do feel secure in saying that this is an #OwnVoices novel. You can just feel that How It Feels to Float has been written by someone who gets it.
How It Feels to Float is beautiful and heartbreaking. It's painful and raw, but it's also so full of love and hope. It's such a gorgeous, gorgeous read, and I implore you to read it. It's such an important, powerful novel. And I am so excited for what Fox writes next.
Kelly
Written on May 29, 2019
I thought it was wonderful how Grace and Biz were able to openly discuss the kiss. Grace acknowledged that the moment the two friends had shared was nice but gently explained that she wasn't interested in a relationship with another female. She was open with her own feelings and encouraged Biz to talk about her own sexuality although it's unclear whether Biz is bisexual, pansexual or questioning. When Grace begins a sexual relationship with a new boyfriend, Biz begins to feel a deep sense of loneliness, drunkenly suggesting to a male friend that they have sex but changes her mind.
Her close knit friendship circle turn their back on her, spreading rumours of her promiscuity. Including friend Grace. I was incredibly disappointed in Grace, rather than stand up for Biz against those aggressively spreading rumours, she allowed her new boyfriend to dictate the terms of her friendship with Biz, Grace forbidden to reach out to Biz as were their circle of friends. Biz begins displaying signs of depression, isolating herself, refusing to attend school and physically unable to get out of bed. Grace tries to make amends but isn't long before she's sent off to live with her father ceasing contact with Biz entirely, reestablishing feelings of abandonment first felt after her father's death.
Grace leaving, the rumours at school and feelings of depression have been simmering under the surface for quite some time. Biz mentions how after the death of her father, her mother often suggested counselling but it was soon forgotten and Biz never sought help. She describes her mental health as a darkness that allows her to detach from her surroundings and float. Another coping mechanism is her father appearing to share stories about moments throughout her life while he was alive. It helps anchor Biz to her sense of self and her physical being, also helping her feel loved. At first it's unclear what happened to her father, Biz is unable to speak about the events leading to his death but as the narrative intensifies, we learn that Biz's father was also unwell and it explores intergenerational mental health and the impact it has on families.
I loved Biz's friendship with new boy Jasper, who saved her from the ocean on the night of the drunken incident on the beach. Jasper is a wonderful support for Biz, he allows her to be and never pressures her to label her illness. He becomes an anchor of sorts in her presence and often physically and emotionally supports her during her moments of dissociation and helping define reality. Sylvia is magnificent and I instantly loved her. She's a sweet elderly lady who Biz meets partaking in a local community photography class and the two become wonderful friends. I loved seeing the grandmotherly role Sylvia took in Biz's life, such a beautiful relationship that enriched both their lives.
The most striking aspect of How It Feels to Float is the mental illness portrayal. It's unflinching, courageous, it's a journey and experience that will captivate readers. I felt tangled within the moments of panic, the moments of feeling helpless and how those around her were convinced seeking help was a path to wellness, Biz continued to dissociate. It explores the role of seeking professional help and medication and although it can often help, there isn't a lifelong solution for mental health. Treatment is ongoing, it's a series of trial and error and building relationships with trusted professionals. Biz seeks psychiatric and psychological help, put on medication and asked how she's feeling and then turned back out into the world. Eventually she finds a psychiatrist who she feels comfortable with and that makes a huge difference in Biz being able to open up about her feelings,although she's still not able to speak about her father, the trigger point of her illness.
I can't even begin to describe my love for this book. Although I've never personally experienced mental illness, I've been touched by mental illness and I've seen the effects intergenerational mental illness has on families. Helena Fox has created such a prolific and confrontational narrative, a beautiful prose and unflinching account of mental illness and the lifelong journey of mental health. It's wistfully whimsical with an achingly beautiful hopefulness that reduced me to tears on more than one occasion. It's simply phenomenal and a book that has captivated me until the final page. Absolutely remarkable.