How to Date a Douchebag
5 primary works • 6 total works
Book 1
CRUDE. ARROGANT. A**HOLE.
No doubt about it, Sebastian ‘Oz’ Osborne is the university’s most celebrated student athlete—and possibly the biggest douchebag. A walking, talking cliché, he has a filthy mouth, a fantastic body, and doesn’t give a sh*t about what you or anyone else thinks.
SMART. CLASSY. CONSERVATIVE.
Make no mistake, Jameson Clarke may be the university’s most diligent student—but she is no prude. Spending most of her time in the hallowed halls of the library, James is wary of pervs, jocks, and douchebags—and Oz Osborne is all three.
She’s smart, sarcastic—and not what he expected.
…EVERY DOUCHBAG HAS HIS WEAKNESS.
He wants to be friends.
He wants to spend time with her.
He wants to drive her crazy.
He wants…
Her.
Book 2
Zeke Daniels isn't just a douchebag; he's an asshole. A total and complete jerk, Zeke keeps people at a distance. He has no interest in relationships—most assholes don’t. Dating? Being part of a couple? Nope. Not for him. He's never given any thought to what he wants in a girlfriend, because he's never had any intention of having one. Shit, he barely has a relationship with his family, and they're related; his own friends don’t even like him. So why does he keep thinking about Violet DeLuca? Sweet, quiet Violet—his opposite in every sense of the word. The light to his dark, even her damn name sounds like rays of sunshine and happiness and shit. And that pisses him off, too.
Book 3
He's not a douchebag; but that doesn't stop his friends from turning him into one.
MY FRIENDS WANT ME TO GET LAID.
So much so that they plastered my ugly mug all over campus, in bold printed letters:
Are you the lucky lady who's going to break our roommate's cherry?
Him: socially awkward man with average-sized penis looking for willing sexual partner. You: must have a pulse. He will reciprakate with oral. Text him at: 555-254-5551
The morons can't even spell. And the texts I've been receiving are what wet dreams are made of. But I'm not like these douchebags, no matter how hard they try to turn me into one.
THIS ISN'T THE KIND OF ATTENTION I WANT.
One text stands out from hundreds. One number I can't bring myself to block. She seems different. Hotter, even in black and white.
However, after seeing her in person, I know she's not the girl for me. But my friends won't let up--they just don't get it. Douchebags or not, there's one thing they'll never understand: GIRLS DON'T WANT ME.
Especially her.
Book 4
THERE ARE NO DOUCHEBAGS IN THIS STORY.
Well, there are, but they’re not who this story is about.
This story is about me—the coach’s daughter.
When I moved to Iowa to live with my dad, the university's take-no-prisoners wrestling coach, I thought transferring would be easy as pie—living with my father would be temporary, and he'd make sure his douchebag wrestlers left me alone.
Wrong on both counts.
ASSHOLES ALWAYS COME OUT OF THE WOODWORK WHEN THE STAKES ARE HIGH.
A bet is placed, and I'm on the table. After one humiliating night and too much alcohol, I find the last nice guy on campus. And when he offers to rent me his spare bedroom, I go all in. It’s time for the nice guy to finish first.
Midnight chats and spilling my problems turn to lingering touches. Lingering touches turn to more.
And the ultimate good guy has the potential do more damage than any douchebags ever could.
Book 5
ABRAHAM DAVIS—Honest Abe to his friends—IS IN OVER HIS HEAD...
He’s a fixer and a do good-er. The all-knowing, resident "grandfather" on the wrestling team who everyone relies on to fix their problems. His teammates go to him for everything; advice, homework, or when they need a sober driver at three in the morning--whether he likes it or not.
Abe’s current mission is easy: mend his roommates broken heart by helping him find a girlfriend on the LoveU app--without getting caught in the lie...
SKYLAR GABRIEL. IS. OVER. IT.
Over her bad grades. Over her meddling older brother and his two best friends. And over dating douchebags. What she wants to know is: where have all the nice guys gone?
She longs for a handsome, sweet, and honest guy who can make her laugh. In one last ditch effort to prove that he exists—Skylar turns to LoveU.
On her worst day, Skylar has no filter (it’s a miracle she hasn’t been ditched mid-date).
On her best, she’s as wholesome, and sweet, as pie.
On Thursday? She matches with Abraham Davis’s roommate.
Skylar Gabriel is falling for the wrong guy—she just doesn’t realize it yet.
Why?
BECAUSE ABE DAVIS IS A LIAR.
Book 5.5
Everyone says Rex Gunderson isn't boyfriend material. Everyone says he isn't serious enough. Everyone says he’s a joke. Rumor has it, the disgraced ex-manager of the wrestling team left campus with his tail between his legs.
But now Rex is back—nowhere near the douchebag he used to be—and ready to prove everyone wrong.
The leopard has changed his spots, and he’s about to become my dating coach.
**Initially published as a short story, released in the "Team Player 2: A Sports Anthology," in September of 2019