The Astonishing Colour of After

by Emily X.R. Pan

[layawaydragon]

Content Warning: Suicide, Depression, Disownment, Sudden Death,


Well, that was fucking amazing. I borrowed the audiobook from my local library. It's 12 hours long. I've read a couple that long before but those dragged. Astonishing Color of After DID NOT. I blew through this in two sittings. I only stopped because ~sleep~. I knew I couldn't stop listening when I started so small sessions during the week wouldn't work. I NEED more of the narrator Stephanie Hsu, she did such an amazing job.

I love how the colors were used for moods but it wasn't synthesia, just artists being arty. Synthesia is an actual thing that YA hasn't gotten right a lot and have used it for snowflake MC instead.

Nothing gets skipped or left out. No hanging questions. Axel, the art show, her dad, her family ALL get thoroughly excavated and concluded.

Please read/listen to the Author's Note!! I love it.

I suffer from lifelong anxiety and depression, cut during my early teen years, and tried to kill myself then as well. I didn't stop harming myself until I became pregnant. I haven't since then but I've had those same thoughts. It's a pattern. Once it's an option, it's always an option and neurotypicals really don't get it. I'm lucky enough that I haven't had to switch up meds/doses much like Dori.

Couple of posts I found that help:
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Notes from Listening:
>>Very descriptive.
>> 2.5's day??
>>Crush on Axel - best friend.
>>1st kiss on day Mom died.
>>Wow the colors.
>>Mom suicide = pills & knife
>>Wouldn't the police have found that??
>>Perfect visuals
>>Axel part PR, mom M.I.A. 1 year older.
>>Damn, Axel so cold.
>>14 yr freshman Axel starts dating Lee Anne, Mom depression yo-yoing.
>>Bye Axel. Whatever.
>>3 hours breezed by.
>>He got mono with that girl.
>>Kara!!
>>Is gay!! 3
>>Kara's Mom lol
>>Oh no. Found Mom on floor.
>>Who the fuck is Phong?
>>Red bird new logo @ bakery.
>>creepy dude.
>>Awww Karo's family
>>Omfg bi grandma! 3
>>No loving on a farm!!!
>>Who that tea! Clever Mom.
>>Within the 49 days to process karma & move on for rebirth.
>>Man, fuck you Axel just popping up like that.
>>Seriously Axel.
>>Kara + snow vulva lol
>>No, you sell?!!? GMA!! Holy shit!!
>>"Daddy long legs are like the teacup weiner dogs of the arachnid family."
>> Creepy dude Ping??
>>Mom hated Emily Dickinson.
>>"She was the color of home."
>>Oh the cuddling!
>>That bastard!!!
>>OMG they do the electric shock. Oh wowwwwwwww
>>6 hours down in 1 sitting easy.
>>Awww connect four
>>Finally the other girl = older sister.
>>Awwwww Auntie. Supporting piano playing Mom.
>>Auntie staying in Taiwan.
>>Auntie gave jade cicada necklace.
>>Mom gave Aunie the jade bracelet
>>Auntie loved Emily Dickinson
>>OH SHIT! Congrats!!! Applying at gallery in Berlin!!
>>lol the convo w/ Mom about Berline 3
>>Ewww that's not cool
>>OMG the school!
>>Auntie died when Mom in college from aneurysm. Mom went back home.
>>Dad went to Taiwan to see her.
>>Parents wanted Mom to marry Chinese man.
>>Black kitty!!!!!!!!!!!!
>>It's a cat tree, duh!
>>Aww mai mai kitty 3
>>Interesting about knocking & ghost month.
>>WTF Fred???
>>Ghost wedding??
>>Lock of hair in red packet = pick it up & get married to a dead person
>>ghost partners = good luck
>>Phong girl is a ghost. Why she doesn't eat and can't come on trip
>>Ghosts can't hide from children
>>wow masturbating moment.
>>Awww yay jade still survived
>>that depressed suicidal ideation montage....
>>Awww Mom gave paints for Xmas. OMFG Dad gave "How to figure out what you're destined for"
>>Nooooo you're not being horrible! You're right, he's horrible!! Poor Lee.
>>Winter formal? Oh shit. At end of Feb.
>>Gods her dad is such a dick about art school.
>>Good for you Lee!!!
>>Oh gods Axel. Y u no compliment her!?!?
>>Awww her tuxe dress!!
>>Fucking Axel. Asshole.
>>Ohhhhhh senior art guy. Looking up...
>>NVM UGH GROSS
>>Axel saw?
>>She sent in the portfolio!!
>>Karo told Mom + Gparents about Axel drama...
>>Axel got back together with Lee Ann. She asked him to the formal??
>>Best friends for 5 years.
>>Karo set up Lee.
>>2.5's day. 2.5 months after Axel's bday. 2.5 months before her bday. Around end of school/start of summer. Now anniversary of Mom's death too.
>>Dad showed up.
>>She's tripping????
>>Auntie didn't like Dad.
>>Awww poor Mom being disowned.
>>Okay about to cry.
>>Her + Dad talking....CRYING
>> FRED!!! IT WAS AUNTIE!!!
>> Colors of after = color of now.
>>The Room Painting.
>>Awwww Axel + consent.
>>"Once you figure out what matters, you'll be brave."
>>YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
>>KICK ASS AUTHOR'S NOTE!!!!!!!!! 3 3 3 3