This book was just too cute, sweet, & heartfelt for words.
After being diagnosed with generalized & social anxiety, Amaya Bhatt has spent countless hours in therapy trying to ease and lesson her symptoms. Now, one year later, Amaya finally thinks she can put all of that behind her and focus on having a peaceful summer reading and relaxing before beginning her first year at university.
However, when Amaya’s sister, Sonam, signs her up for a summer internship (where she’ll be forced to confront her social anxiety head on), all of her prior fears and worries come tumbling right back, forcing her to ask herself the question: Is she truly ready to take this bold step and put her anxiety past her?
First, I would like to begin by addressing the anxiey representation. Besides [b:The Sound of Stars|42185079|The Sound of Stars|Alechia Dow|https://i.gr-assets.com/images/S/compressed.photo.goodreads.com/books/1581824264l/42185079._SY75_.jpg|65781953] by Alechia Dow (which you can read my ~rave~ review of here!), I have yet to discover too many books with on-page #ownvoices anxiety representation. It’s for this very reason that I jumped to request a review copy from the author – because this book, and others like it, are extremely important & truly serve to fill a much-needed gap in the world of YA literature.
“You know when there’s a character that you relate to on such a deep level it almost feels like you’re reading about yourself?”
I would just like to state for the record that everyone’s experience with anxiety is personal & unique, and therefore not every reader with anxiety may see their exact symptoms/circumstances reflected in Amaya. That being said, for me personally, this book captured with *perfection* my experiences with social & generalized anxiety and the painful reality of what it’s like to live in a world of fear & self-deprecation. I fully connected with Amaya and her personal struggle between desperately wanting to form relationships with others while being terrified of all the ways in which that could go wrong.
“It wasn’t that she didn’t want to talk to others or make friends, it was that she was too scared of making a fool of herself, too scared of putting herself out there, too scared of what everyone else would think of her.”
What We Deserve by Alyssa Nohar
I truly adore the quote above because I believe that this is the perfect way to explain anxiety for those that do not possess it. As Amaya states, it’s not that she doesn’t want to socialize, it’s that she’s honestly petrified of all of the problems that socializing could entail.
“The more she avoided, the worse the anxiety became. The only way to grow and free herself was to put a bit more and break the cycle.”
What We Deserve by Alyssa Nohar
Which brings us to her co-workers at her summer internship. At first, Amaya is completely panicked about whether or not they would accept her, especially considering that they had all already been a close-knit friend group prior to the internship. But as time goes by, Amaya begins to find not that she’s not just accepted, but also viewed as a true, valued member of the group.
I especially loved how naturally diverse each and every one of Amaya’s co-workers/soon-to-be friends were. Two are bisexual, one is aro-ace, and the cultural & religious representation includes characters of Somolian, Islamic, Honduran, Italian, Pakistani, and Korean descent. Even Amaya herself is Fijian and bisexual, and I particularly enjoyed how purely natural the latter was introduced.
I also really liked how Amaya’s passion for reading was explored & connected direct back to her anxiety, because (for me at least!) they are both heavily intertwined.
“When [Amaya] didn’t know who or what else to turn to, she knew that a good book, though it may not solve her problems, would at least put her at ease.”
What We Deserve by Alyssa Nohar
One thing to note, however, is that this is a character-driven story, so if you like stories that contain more of a scripted plot, this may not be for you. However, I personally found this to be a refreshing change from the books I usually read!
And lastly, since I’m approaching the end of my review, I would leave you guys with a few more of my favorite quotes from What We Deserve:
“Whenever that fear and doubt did begin to creep up again though, she would imagine tat she was a character in a novel.”
What We Deserve by Alyssa Nohar
“I wish there was some good news for once. Like a new species of cat has been discovered, or college tuition is now 50% off.”
What We Deserve by Alyssa Nohar
“[Amaya] pushed open the door and sighed happily as she was greeted by the warm lights and the smell of new books.”
Overall:
This is the quiet YA book you didn’t know you needed in your life. If you’re looking for a soft, diverse contemporary with #ownvoices anxiety rep and a supportive & adorkable friend group to add to your shelves, I couldn’t possibly recommend this one enough!! (*chef’s kiss*)
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