Control Freak

by Brianna Hale

[whisperingchapters]

Life for Lacey is not easy. Every single day, in every moment of her life, she has this voice in her head shaming her. She can't stop it at all. Because of this voice, she's restricted herself to so much in life. Then she meets Stian, her new boss. With him, she ventures into a world she had no idea existed or could help shut down that voice. But the voice is always there, lurking in the shadows, waiting to strike.

I have so many conflicting feelings towards this novel. As I have mentioned before, I have friends who are basically experts at BDSM from what they share of their experiences. But I have never really read a novel that features BDSM in its entirety and it's why I'm so conflicted. One of the reasons why I'm so conflicted is that, in my brain, this act degrades women so much, and I saw that happening with Lacey and Stian. It wasn't something intentional. Stian just loves the control, loves the feeling of owning someone, owning Lacey. I know there's a fifteen-year difference in age, but at times, Lacey would feel so much more younger than that and it's why it was tough to understand what was going on between them. Overall, though, Stian did treat Lacey like a growing plant, giving her love, dedication, attention, which I loved to see. It was simply the other part that would put me off, especially with the kneeling aspect that comes with BDSM.

"You showed me the most vulnerable parts of yourself, and I thought she was beautiful every single time."

Then there's the part where Lacey loves these acts because that nasty Anorexia voice is contained in her brain and doesn't come out so easily. I was glad to see that the author didn't let Lacey being with Stian "fix" her Anorexia. I think I would have been mad if that had happened. I was also glad to see just how supportive Stian was in every single moment. He would ask Lacey about what was going on in her head, gave her space when she needed it, especially when it came to eating.

Every day is a constant battle between what I know is good for me and what my anorexia wants. She’s always with me, spitting insults and cruelty and telling me I’m unlovable, fat and greedy.

Guys, this book was kind of tough to read when it came to the Mental Health aspect. I've never suffered from Anorexia, but I have suffered from Major Depression Disorder, and there's always that voice in my head, telling me that going down the dark path is the best, to just end things. And I sympathized/empathized with Lacey so much. The Anorexia voice that was in Lacey's head has been in my head, shaming me, putting me down, telling me I'll never be good enough. Lacey's experience felt so real and I'm so happy the author did not shy away when it came to this aspect of Anorexia.

Overall, I was glad to read something so serious as this topic of Mental Health is and seeing it a new light I hadn't seen before. I enjoyed so much the emotional aspects of the story. I'm just not entirely sure if the dom/sub was needed? I understand, in a way, why and how it would work, but I think I could have been fine without that part in the story.

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