Don't Try to Find Me

by Holly Brown

[Ashley]

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Wow. Don't Try to Find Me is going to be a tough one to review! This book had so many different sides and layers; it's almost hard to absorb. It's also REALLY hard to talk about this book without spoilers. Those kind of reviews are always hard to write!

There's one big part of the book that I need to talk about. I wouldn't personally call it a spoiler because it gets revealed before the 50% mark, but it's not mentioned in the synopsis. So I'll put it in spoiler tags and you can decide if you want it revealed or not! One thing I thought was super interesting was how Marley ran away to be with a guy she met online. Before meeting in person, they texted a ton and that's how they got to know each other. I could really relate to this because my fiancé and I met online! I fell in love with his personality before I even met him. Then when I did meet him, I loved him even more. But it didn't quite go that way for Marley. When she meets B., things aren't quite like how their texts were. He's more withdrawn and they didn't just instantly click like she thought they would. So I was fascinated to see the other side of the "meeting online" experience. It went brilliantly for me, but not so well for Marley! In her case, B. had one personality online, but he acted very differently in person, and that is what made her start to second guess her decision.

It was hard and fascinating to read the chapters from Marley's mom's point of view. I felt really bad for her and her husband (Paul) because they were clearly both devastated, and I wanted to cry with them! But on the other hand, I was constantly suspicious because of what the synopsis said. I kept imagining the worst, like one of them secretly abusing Marley or something. I didn't know what to think! But you could clearly see Rachel and Paul spiraling downwards and lose hope. They started out thinking Marley would be home in a few days or within the week at most... but when she didn't come home, Rachel in particular became an emotional wreck (understandably). Secrets began to pour out and I started second guessing everyone and everything!

Most of all, I loved how this book made me think. I was absorbing everything! Marley was kind of a reckless teenager, but her journal entries did make me see her side of things and really feel for her. But then I'd read her mom's chapters and feel for Rachel too! I was so conflicted and didn't know who to actually support. But it was really sad to see Marley try to convince herself that running away was what she wanted. You could see the red flags there, and see Marley try to explain them away.. then it spiraled out of control. I was just really drawn into the way it was written. It was like watching something horrible happen in slow motion.

My only real complaint about the book feels so awkward to complain about... and unfortunately, it's also a spoiler. I thought that the big reason Marley left home was going to be a lot bigger than it ended up being. And I feel horrible saying that, because it makes me feel like I'm saying anyone who wasn't raped or abused doesn't have "real problems".. and that's certainly not the case. But after all the build up and the fact that Marley actually ran away, I definitely expected there to be abuse of some kind involved. But it turns out, her parents just had a rocky marriage. Her dad wasn't a great listener, and her mom didn't try to get him to listen. And as a result of her feeling insecure in her marriage, Rachel kind of had an emotional affair and developed a small addiction to pills. I guess it just wasn't as scary and shocking as I expected it to be. I kept building it up in my head to be something REALLY horrible, like sexual abuse, or maybe emotional abuse. But in the end, her parents did really and truly love her and the problem was just that their marriage had been quietly falling apart. While that's certainly not a good thing, it doesn't seem like a truly horrible thing.

I think I almost had a morbid fascination with this book. Obviously the subject matter is pretty serious, but I was kind of addicted to it. I really wanted to know what happened and see the creepy bits unravel.. and maybe that in itself is kind of creepy of me! But overall it was a super interesting book and I definitely recommend it!