“What did you have? A boy or a girl?” Kyl and Brent imagined it would be years before their child would identify with a gender. Until then…
As a first-time parent, Kyl Myers had one aspect dialed in from the start: not being beholden to the boy-girl binary, disparities, or stereotypes from the day a child is born. With no wish to eliminate gender but rather gender discrimination, Kyl and her husband, Brent, ventured off on a parenting path less traveled. Raising a confident, compassionate, and self-aware person was all that mattered.
In this illuminating memoir, Kyl delivers a liberating portrait of a family’s choice to dismantle the long-accepted and often-harmful social construct of what it means to be assigned a gender from birth. As a sociologist, Kyl explores the science of gender and sex and the adulthood gender inequities that start in childhood. As a loving parent, Kyl shares the joy of watching an amazing child named Zoomer develop their own agency to grow happily and healthily toward their own gender identity and expression.
Candid and surprising, Raising Them is an inspiration to parents and to anyone open to understanding the limitless possibilities of being yourself.
In Raising Them, sociologist Kyl Myers shares how they and their husband Brent are raising their first child, Zoomer, without gender boundaries; with complete freedom to determine their own gender. Zoomer is still quite young, so the book doesn't go beyond the preschool years. And although this is a memoir, not a how-to book, Myers is clear and detailed about the thought processes that led to each decision they made along the way. Myers argues that working toward gender equality must start in childhood, by breaking down assumptions and boundaries when it comes to appearance, toys, activities, etc. This takes a lot of work, because the gender binary is pushed everywhere, even in situations where it shouldn't even be a thing.
There is a good bit of privilege throughout: financial stability, race, class, healthcare, the ability to be very selective with school choice, the ability to travel, and seemingly everyone in their immediate sphere was incredibly supportive. Unless you're solidly and securely middle class (or higher), portions of the book might feel a bit out of touch. (Myers is aware of and acknowledges this privilege.)
Cis parents who are open to raising children in ways that help them discover their own gender identities will glean a lot from this book. I think trans and non-binary parents will find there's not much by way of new insight, but will still be able to enjoy this as it is, as one family's memoir.
On that note, Myers identified as cis when writing Raising Them (it's mentioned in the book a couple times), but briefly notes that their gender-creative child-rearing process encouraged them to explore their own gender identity as well. Their Instagram bio currently shows that they are genderqueer (they/she pronouns). I would love to read a future, followup memoir that talks about their own gender journey. A memoir like that, with Myers's light, positive, engaging writing style, would be so affirming for non-binary readers who didn't start making those connections until they were adults.
Reading updates
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Started reading
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31 July, 2020:
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31 July, 2020:
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