"Dark places made it so much easier to be cruel, to exact revenge."This is How I Lied is a heavy, powerful, and twisty read. Reading this book was uncomfortable at times, resulting in an unnerving reading experience where I didn't know who to trust.
Maggie's best friend was murdered 25 years ago and she's now been assigned to work on her cold case. Told in the present-day perspectives of Maggie and Nola (Eve's sister) along with Eve's perspective of her final day, Gudenkauf crafts a gripping mystery where the focus is whodunit and why.
I mentioned the book made me uncomfortable, and that's because the characters are all pretty horrible. I'll say it: being inside of Nola's head was unnerving! That's kind of the point, but I didn't really connect with Maggie for some reason, which at times made it difficult for me to care. I found myself most invested in Eve's storyline leading up to the time of her murder. I enjoyed how Gudenkauf parsed out that information alongside the present-day investigation.
Each character and narrator holds a piece of the puzzle, and I like how the gaps to their knowledge played into their perspectives. There are also some mixed-media elements and doctor's notes included, but for me I wasn't sure how useful they are and in some places they repeat info rather than reveal clues. There is one thing about the mystery that just... doesn't make sense based on the narrative, which did take me out of the story a bit unfortunately, but barring that tiny aspect, I enjoyed the twists and turns.
Gudenkauf's writing is highly descriptive and I could envision myself in the story alongside the narrators. With fast pacing and a quick-wit, you will come up with a lot of theories about what truly happened... and with a cast of characters as bleak as this, there's no shortage of suspects.
"Over the years, I lost my mom, my innocence and my best friend. This street has been a graveyard to me."The prologue captivated me immediate with the final moments of Eve's life. I want to mention that this book handles a lot of difficult and potentially triggering subject matter, so please be sure to read my content warnings to ensure you are in the right headspace before picking it up. Poor Eve had a difficult life that only lasted 15 years, and from her abusive boyfriend to the creepy neighbor there are a lot of suspects in who killed her. I appreciate how this relationship is depicted and think it is important to depict abusive relationships where the character is trying to stand up and escape, but also how manipulating an abuser can be and how easy it is for them to regain control.
Overall, I found This is How I Lied to be a gripping read. I enjoyed feeling intensely uncomfortable and trying to figure out what happened. There is one twist that just doesn't logically make sense to me, but I want to leave no spoilers so those interested can discover everything for themselves.
Content warnings: abusive relationship (physical and emotional, absent parenting, animal death & alluded torture, bullying, death of a parent, gaslighting, infertility and loss of pregnancies, murder, sexism, sexual assault, statutory rape, suicidal thoughts, victim blaming
eARC provided by the publisher as part of the blog tour in exchange for my honest review. Quotations are taken from an uncorrected proof and subject to change upon final publication.
Blog | Twitter | Pinterest