Oh my feels! My emotions are on overload right now. This was so heartbreaking, and one of the biggest reasons why, is because things like this really happen. A really powerful story, that was beautifully told.
I thought I had prepared myself for this book. Violence is always tough for me, but this one gutted me, while simultaneously touching my heart. The focus of this book was definitely assault and rape culture, but there were also many other themes associated with being female that were explored.
They targeted us because they thought we were weak. But even the weakest girl has power inside of her. She maybe just needs a little guidance to find it.
Ellie had been the victim of endless abuse in middle school largely because she hit puberty before her peers. When circumstances forced her to attend a new high school, Ellie's goal was to blend in just enough, so as not to be targeted in that negative way any longer. She accomplished that mission, flying under the radar, until she caught the eye of a rich, popular older boy named Caleb.
The way it took something good, something beautiful, and slowly ruined it without her knowing.
I saw a lot of "younger me" in Ellie, and therefore had massive amounts of empathy towards her. Between the bullying and her mother abandoning her, to her feelings of invisibility and loneliness, my heart ached and I wanted to reach out and hug her. Loneliness can drive people to make poor decisions, and Ellie just wanted to be wanted and wanted to fit in so badly, that she was willing to accept less than she deserved.
It's hard, when you're not a whole girl to begin with, to lose even more of yourself.
The story was told so well. I really loved that it unfolded from Ellie's POV in a retrospective fashion, because as she related her tale to us, she also reflected on what transpired and the decisions she made. She also often contemplated "what makes a girl". Every time she started a "what makes a girl", my heart ached a little, because her musings were so sad. I don't necessarily disagree with the way Ellie felt based on her personal experience, but I am heartbroken that any girl has to feel this way.
It takes a lot of things to make a girl, but breaking her? It only takes a few pretty words and a crooked smile.
This book was quite heavy. How could it not be! But, Carter did give us some lovely things in the way of a few characters. Ellie's dad was not perfect, but still wonderful. He was left to raise a toddler on his own. They didn't have much money, but when he could, dad would buy little things he thought a girl would like. I never doubted how much he loved Ellie, and most importantly, she knew he loved her too. Ellie's dog, Fred, was another gift Carter gave us. It just gave me some comfort to know that Ellie had someone in her corner.
I'd always imagined being wanted. Of someone loving me. Choosing me.
This story was heartbreaking and powerful. T.E. Carter told it in an honest and beautiful way, and I think this book can definitely be used to start some important conversations.
These are all the things that make a girl -- and it starts with just that one piece to put her back together again.
Overall: An incredible debut, which left made me angry, frustrated, but mostly sad about how young women are treated. Get the tissues out people! You're going to need them for this one.
*ARC provided in exchange for an honest review.
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