The Way I Used to Be by Amber Smith

The Way I Used to Be

by Amber Smith

In the tradition of Speak, this extraordinary debut novel shares the unforgettable story of a young woman as she struggles to find strength in the aftermath of an assault.

Eden was always good at being good. Starting high school didn’t change who she was. But the night her brother’s best friend rapes her, Eden’s world capsizes.

What was once simple, is now complex. What Eden once loved—who she once loved—she now hates. What she thought she knew to be true, is now lies. Nothing makes sense anymore, and she knows she’s supposed to tell someone what happened but she can’t. So she buries it instead. And she buries the way she used to be.

Told in four parts—freshman, sophomore, junior, and senior year—this provocative debut reveals the deep cuts of trauma. But it also demonstrates one young woman’s strength as she navigates the disappointment and unbearable pains of adolescence, of first love and first heartbreak, of friendships broken and rebuilt, and while learning to embrace a power of survival she never knew she had hidden within her heart.

Reviewed by shannonmiz on

4 of 5 stars

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You can find the full review and all the fancy and/or randomness that accompanies it at It Starts at Midnight
This is a very gripping and powerful book. It involves rape- a trigger warning, just so you are aware. And Eden's story will absolutely break your heart, because of how you can feel the honesty dripping off of it. Rape- especially unreported rape- is all too common. Just thinking about a young person bearing the weight of what Eden went through makes me want to scream. And while Eden is fictional, there are countless others who live this hell daily.

Eden loses herself during the story, and it centers around her finding the strength to somehow find herself again. She doesn't feel like the "good girl" that she was before the rape, so she literally makes herself into the opposite of what she was before. But she becomes more unhappy, of course, the more she bottles up these secrets and horrible, horrible truths. She shoulders so much of the blame, which is also all too common.

This is clearly a character driven story, and you need to read about Eden for yourself if you want the full picture. The topics in the book aren't just the rape and the aftermath, but the thought processes that go on for years after. I don't think it's something that anyone "gets over", and this book shows that incredibly well.

My only issue lies in that I didn't connect to Eden as much as I'd have liked. I was angry on her behalf, and so, so mad at the thought of this happening to anyone. But as an actual character, there were times when I didn't feel that "spark". Aside from that one qualm though, this book is a must, especially for anyone looking for a young adult book that gracefully handles some really difficult situations.

*Copy provided by publisher for review

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Reading updates

  • Started reading
  • 6 March, 2016: Finished reading
  • 6 March, 2016: Reviewed