Top Secret

by Sarina Bowen and Elle Kennedy

[lessthelonely]

3/5 stars.

I would like to preface this review by saying I am aware of Elle Kennedy's piss-poor, lesbophobic and racist behavior. You might be asking yourself why I am, then, reviewing this book. That would be because I didn't pay for it and read it for free. Maybe you'll agree with me when I say that reading the book for free is OK or maybe you'll still think I shouldn't give Elle Kennedy's books the time of day... The fact remains that I read it and I would like to share thoughts about it.If you wish for more context: Elle Kennedy has stated she will never write a sapphic romance book on her Twitter. As for the racist part, I lost the original sources I had and Google didn't yield said results.I leave it up to you if you should read this review or not. I can totally understand if you don't want to read this review or the book. I mean this preface as an appeal to not start discourse on something we both agree on. This review is posted because I did finish the book and I must admit I enjoyed it a bit.With that being said, here's the review.

I think it's time I had a romance book that didn't immediately recommended by me.

You can attribute my opinion on this book on a lot of things: Elle Kennedy's reported lesbophobic and racist behavior, which made me seem a little bit more aware of the choices made in this book after I finally went and saw what the things I had heard about Elle Kennedy were all about; the unusual structure of the book (at least, compared to other books I've read); the wish-fulfillment I felt being tugged at while reading this book.

Let me start by saying that what I'm about to say doesn't apply to all books that fulfill the characteristics I'm about to mention, but more and more I start believing that I've been simply incredibly forgiving when it came to saying a romance book feels like fetishization of an Achillean romance by a woman. And if you didn't read the last sentence correctly, let me repeat it: not all Achillean books written by women are a fetishization of a male-male relationship, but I start realizing that most books I've read about romance always feel fetishizing to some level. And I wonder if I'm simply being too harsh or spot on.

Even books I enjoyed immensely - let's pick a beaten-to-death one: The Song of Achilles by Madeline Miller -, tend to now make me a little bit icky if I think about them too much. That book started being seen in a new light (though I still find it incredible) when I read a review saying that the author seemed to do a self-insert of herself into Patroclus. And I hated that once I thought a little bit about it, I could see where that critique was coming from. And as you can see, I can't forget it.

From thinking a little harder on this book, a lot of things that feel like fetishization start to come up. Mainly because I feel that, just like gay teenagers, we tend to have a little phase where we wish all straight boys would just turn gay. And I feel like I've read a lot of books where that is the case, and the originally straight guy ends up not only bisexual (if not just gay) and taking the submissive role. And that feels like a lot of wish-fulfilling. The other books by this duo also feature the exact same dynamic as in here: straight guy learns he's not straight and is a massive bottom (with a brief mention of him also taking a minute dominant role).

The underlying problem in here would be that, especially in this book, this is contradictory to the beginning: apparently the straight guy has had a girlfriend for a long time... and while they mention that the "spark" in sex was gone for a while, they never say it wasn't there at some point. And this makes me feel like the straight dude was just made gay and that it wasn't something he repressed and struggled with. That I can believe in. I feel like I'm rambling, but I feel like books like this one tend to:

Jump from straight to gay way too fast and with little to no thought put into it from the characters - like... I like spice, but the spice in this book started way too soon, and at some point I didn't even blink twice when reading it. That's a bad sign. If spice isn't making you feel some type of way, then it's not good. At the same time, the way the straight dude starts noticing other guys at the end of the book is so fucking ham-fisted I rolled my eyes;Always fall into stereotypes and use slurs way too easily: is homophobia and having a character call one of the main guys a faggot really the only way to create conflict? Forget that question, I already know the answer. The other one is that books like these only seem to make a gay character appear confident by making them flamboyant. Scratch that, because the characters aren't actually flamboyant, but the authors sure thought they did that! They just made said character drop a "Yaaaas" or something of the sort. Totally not problematic. Nothing to fight about there.

I will, however, commend a few things, mainly that the writing is very seamless and you can read it quickly and I did enjoy one of the character's conflict and even saw myself in it. Because it wasn't really tied to being gay, but because it was tied to having an abusive family. The structure of the story was also quite different and not as linear as you'd expect, which, at least, kept me guessing. Either way, I don't think any saves this book from becoming a coin-flip.

Do know: most books I finish are a coin-flip. This book isn't special by any means.