The Ersatz Elevator by Lemony Snicket

The Ersatz Elevator (Series of Unfortunate Events, #6)

by Lemony Snicket

Arriving at Dark Avenue, the three Baudelaire orphans, Violet, Klaus and little Sunny, begin their new life with Jerome and Esme Squalor. Jerome is a kind man, but he agrees unquestioningly with everything said by his wife, who is the city's sixth most important financial advisor. The Baudelaires find themselves in a strange world of in things: aqueous martinis (consisting of water with an olive), pinstripe suits (even for infant Sunny) and meals only involving salmon. Sadly, elevators are out, and the children are obliged to walk the many steps up to the Squalors' penthouse. Even more sadly, they soon meet Count Olaf again, disguised as the auctioneer Gunther, and discover that the ersatz elevator is not an elevator at all, but a shaft in which the Quagmire triplets are imprisoned. When they tell Esme of the triplets' fate, she shocks them by throwing them down the elevator too and revealing herself to be in league with Count Olaf. Sunny manages to escape using her teeth, and help her siblings out, who run down the ersatz passageway to emerge - in a spectacular climax - in the charred remains of their parents' mansion!
With no time to reflect, they run to Esme's In Auction, hoping to save the Quagmires, but Esme and Olaf escape with the triplets, and the Baudelaires are once more left with only each other to rely on

Reviewed by funstm on

3 of 5 stars

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The sixth book, The Ersatz Elevator, finds the Baudelaire's back in their hometown, just a couple of streets over from where they used to live. With their parents. When life was good.

This time they've been placed with friends of their parents, the Squalors who live in a penthouse on 667 Dark Avenue. Which on a side note, the puns and other easter egg references crack me up. Jerome and Esme Squalor are a mixed bag. One is kind, the other is fashionable. One is a pushover, the other is a pushee. Their lives are dictated by what is "in" and what is "out". Fortunately for the Baudelaire's, orphans are "in". Unfortunately elevators are out which means a lot of stairs.

Living with the Squalors is strange but certainly could be worse - they could be kidnapped like the Quagmire triplets were. Sick with worry about their friends, the Squalors barely rate on their list. ...and then Count Olaf appears. This time, Count Olaf is disguised as Gunther, the new auctioneer for the In Auction Esme is throwing. The children have no idea what is going on or what Olaf is up to, but they're determined to find out - especially if it will give them a clue to the whereabouts of the Quagmire triplets. Which it does. The penthouse floor has a second elevator door that when opens leads down to a cage. In the cage are the Quagmire triplets! Once again, they try to tell the Baudelaire's about VFD and how it's important but are shushed. The Baudelaire's a more focused on coming up with a plan to get them out and prevent Count Olaf's plan - which is to smuggle the Quagmire's out of town by auctioning them off.

The logic on this one was a bit weird. I never really got how this was going to get Olaf the Baudelaire's fortune. It really wasn't the best regarding the Quagmire's either since they were previously already out of the country.

The Baudelaire's climb up and down the elevator shaft multiple times coming up with a plan but are foiled by their own willingness to trust adults when they explain everything to Esme and get pushed back down the elevator shaft. Because Beatrice apparently stole everything from her (and yes we were all asking who the hell is Beatrice (in relation to the Baudelaire's) and what has she got to do with anything?) and she would get her revenge. Well and Count Olaf is her former acting coach, she thinks he's a genius and stealing money is "in" or at least money is but in this case that's more or less the same thing.

Anyways so the Quagmire's are auctioned off, hidden in a big box with the letters VFD printed on the side. But wait, no - it's a red herring!!! This bit honestly had me laughing. It was so ridiculous. The children are hidden in the big ass statue of a red herring. While the VFD box is empty - or at least empty of children. It's actually full of Very Fancy Doilies. Masterful. Mr Poe arrives just in time to be absolutely useless, Jerome continues to be a pushover and the Baudelaire's are determined to rescue the Quagmire triplets, no matter what - even if that means giving up a more or less satisfactory guardian. Having given up on happiness, they settle for truth - they can rely on each other.

I have more questions than the Baudelaire's have misfortune and I already know I'll likely never know the answers to them. How frustrating. Still, an action packed read. 3 stars.

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  • 13 May, 2012: Reviewed