Iain Reid's I'm Thinking of Ending Things is a very difficult book to rate. There was a lot about it that was wonderful, atmospheric, and downright spooky. But with the end, it ended up feeling like the plot was redundant, meaning I was left spectacularly let down when it all came to an end.
The rest of this review will contain spoilers, as it's impossible to talk about my thoughts without spoiling it, so read at your own risk.
When I first picked up “I'm Thinking of Ending Things” I was reticent, as I didn't particularly want to read a book about suicide, which is what the title meant for me. When I read the blurb though, I decided I would try it, as it seemed to suggest that I'd simply misinterpreted the title. Spoiler: I hadn't. By the first italicisied conversation that serves as the only "real" part of the book, it was clear that a suicide had taken place, and from that point on, it was pretty obvious that suicide was going to be one of the main characters.
As the girlfriend (who remains nameless) and Jake converse, we learn about Jake's life, and by italicised conversation number two, barely 10% into the book's short length, it was clear that the suicide was Jake, and by the time we got to Jake's parents' house and the girlfriend saw a childhood photo of Jake and said it was her, it was obvious that the book was going full “Psycho" by that point.
Were there other clues in the narrative, and other threads on which to pull to reveal more of Jake's psyche? Sure. But by barely 1/3 into the novel I already knew exactly how it was going to end, and that's exactly how it did.
Where Ian Reid's writing excels is in his ability to create tension. It was that tension that made me think that perhaps I was wrong, and “I'm Thinking of Ending Things” wasn't going exactly where I was expecting. That's why the ultimate end felt like such a disappointment because what it essentially boils down to is the "it was all a dream" McGuffin, which rendered every creepy moment, every point of tension, every moment of surprise devoid of any true meaning. The entire narrative was just a distraction from the central, very simple premise of Jake being a troubled man with mental health issues who commits suicide.
So yes, I was very disappointed by the end, but despite that, there is still something about “I'm Thinking of Ending Things” that stays with me. I do think the book will improve upon second reading, as I feel there is a truth that was hinted at below the surface that needs only to be unravelled. But at the same time, I resent a writer not being able to tell a clear story on the first read-through. I want to get to the end and have all the threads click into place. I don't want to have to work to understand the main character of a book, which is exactly what "I'm Thinking of Ending Things" requires.
There are hints of childhood trauma, substance abuse, poisoning, and maybe even murder within “I'm Thinking of Ending Things” pages. When looking back at the book I'm wondering if a re-read will reveal things about how Jake's parents died (murdered by Ms Vela, perhaps?), childhood abuse in the basement by a woman in his life (tortured paintings discovered by the girlfriend in which a female figure grows ever more horrific would suggest this to be the case), and substance abuse and/or solvent poisoning caused by the varnish that we see regularly mentioned (which the rash, voice, old gas mask, and hair loss might point to). Without re-reading I can't verify any of these theories, but I suspect they're there, lying just under the surface of Jake's ramblings. Or is that just me hoping "I'm Thinking of Ending Things" has more substance than it really does?
“I'm Thinking of Ending Things” is a divisive book, and I can definitely see why. While reading, I found Jake's pseudo-intellectual naval-gazing unaccountably irritating. It reminded me of university, where we all used to talk like that. But then we grew up and looked back on our former selves with cringe. With what we learn about Jake, however, this voice makes sense and ultimately fits the narrative, but it didn't really endear me enough to go back and read the whole thing over again.
When I'm Thinking of Ending Things was good, it was great. There were times when it truly terrified me, and even though I didn't love the way it ended, it definitely lives in my head, rent-free now. It's a short book, and definitely worth a read, despite its divisive nature. Whether you love it or hate it, it's definitely of interest and will stay with you long after you turn the last page