The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali by Sabina Khan

The Love and Lies of Rukhsana Ali

by Sabina Khan

A timely and honest coming-of-age story that explores the complicated
relationship between identity, culture, family, and love.


Seventeen-year-old Rukhsana Ali tries her hardest to live up to her
conservative Muslim parents' expectations, but lately she's finding
that impossible to do. She rolls her eyes when they blatantly
favour her brother and saves her crop tops and makeup for parties
her parents don't know about.

If she can just hold out another few months, Rukhsana will be out
of her familial home and away from her parents' ever-watchful eyes
at Caltech, a place where she thinks she can finally be herself.
But when she is caught kissing her girlfriend Ariana, her devastated
parents take Rukhsana to Bangladesh, where everything she
had been planning is out of reach.

There, immersed in a world of tradition and arranged marriages, Rukhsana
finds the perspective she's been looking for in her grandmother's
old diary. The only question left for her to answer is:
Can she fight for the life she wants without losing her family in
the process?

Reviewed by Angie on

4 of 5 stars

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Proceed With Caution:

This book contains homophobia, child abuse, forced marriage, death, rape, drugging, and child marriage.

The Basics:

The Love & Lies or Rukhasana Ali is narrated by seventeen-year-old Rukhsana as she's preparing to leave her home in Seattle to attend Caltech with her girlfriend. At least that is the plan. Rukhsana's parents are very strict and conservative, so they have no idea that she's a lesbian and she hopes they don't find out until she's out of the house. Unfortunately, they do find out and take her to Bangladesh to find her a husband.

My Thoughts:

The Love & Lies or Rukhasana Ali made me furious. I was seriously so mad while reading this, but I couldn't put it down. Rukhsana's parents' behavior is inexcusable. They say they're doing all of this out of love and for her own good and to save her reputation and theirs, but OMG. Holy crap. Rukhsana repeatedly tells her friends and her girlfriend that she can't come out because of her parents and they just assume she's over-exaggerating. But even Rukhsana didn't know to what extremes they would go to to hide her identity.

Rukhsana goes through hell. Her parents manipulate her at every turn to get her to go along with their plans. They don't even care that she might lose out on a full ride scholarship because maybe her husband wants her at home rather than at school. Anything is better than being a lesbian. The Love & Lies of Rukhasana Ali goes deep into their prejudice and fear. Deep. At one point they even assume she must be possessed. That was horrific.

Where The Love & Lies or Rukhasana Ali lost me a bit was at the end. It's very after school special. Rukhsana's parents put her through way too much for this much of a happy ending. I mean, I'm glad she gets a happy ending, but it came about too quickly. There needed to be much more time and space and healing going on. It goes from Rukhsana having to literally flee the country to avoid becoming a child bride at her parents' hands to them all happily attending LGBTQ+ support groups together. I don't have a problem with her still wanting a relationship with her parents, but it didn't need to be immediate.

The Love & Lies or Rukhasana Ali is a hard read. There is just so many horrendous things happening. It's not all bad, as Rukhsana does have some support as she tries to make her way back home, but overall, the majority of this book is horrifying. Which is why that ending sticks out so much. But when someone tells you that they don't feel safe coming out, believe them! Even without such stark cultural differences, just believe them!

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Reading updates

  • 14 May, 2021: Started reading
  • 14 May, 2021: on page 0 0%
  • 14 May, 2021: Finished reading
  • 24 May, 2021: Reviewed