[a:Pepper Winters|7151973|Pepper Winters|https://images.gr-assets.com/authors/1372576704p2/7151973.jpg] has managed to pull out all my heartstrings and all the feels as well as making me confront my own demons with this series.
An amazing series so far - as I'm writing this I've almost devoured book 4, so you can imagine how I feel about the series. I have been absolutely not able to put this down and I have just finished and jumped from one book to the next.
The title 'Pennies' is heartbreaking, the meaning becomes more clear and I personally don't think I'll ever think about the saying "a penny for your thoughts" the same again after reading this book.
We meet Pim who once had a different name, but survival is more than just not dying. And this wonderfully strong young woman endures and endures and really shows us just how resilient the human body and mind can be, even when pushed to its breaking point.
Pim puts a face on sexual slavery and a world that is so very real today - and one of the hardest things for police and authorities to ever conquer.
The men and their masks had gone, and the women had copied me, each taking a stall and dutifully but tearfully washing. This wasn’t a simple cleansing or preparation. This was a baptism into Hell.
I think one of the things that really nails me in this book is her diary entries...which she writes on pieces of toilet paper and hides, her letters to...no one. Remarkably this is also what keeps her sane in her world of pain and torture.
Her owner is a very sadistic fuck and he has friends...
But one day a visitor comes to the white prison on the hill... and her world changes.
The author tells you quite a lot by describing Pim's surroundings. The colours used or rather lack thereof. The fact that she is not human - she's an object...treated worse than an animal...she exists, is conditioned - but still silent.
Silence was a weapon I could wield better than panic. And if it meant I never uttered another word until I found freedom, then so be it.
The one thing they will never earn from her is her voice. And the way the author writes her journey in this book, even without going into deep details of the depravity and torture - it's not needed. It is just enough for us to make our own conclusions and use our own imagination, remembering any crime show or documentary, any movie - and you will be able to put many horrors to life without the author needing to go into the details. And to me, that is really good writing.
This book is about what happened, what happens in the 2 long long long years she suffers in her captivity, never breathing fresh air, never feeling the sun, stuck in a prison, a mansion on the hill...always afraid, always watching...always trying to predict her owner's moods. Just what this would do to our day in and out, never being able to stretch out properly - never getting proper medical attention... not being fed, always beaten, broken, abused. Conditioned to our limit.
‘Listen with your entire body, not just your ears. Watch with your entire being, not just your eyes. And judge with your entire soul, not just shallow perception.’
But she is strong, she is a survivor, even though she's also giving up.
When Elder arrives it changes everything, but he has got his own demons and their journey is only beginning.
“Just like a tree gives up its age when its trunk is revealed, your body answers without words.”
It's like they say - sometimes it gets worse before it gets better - and we hurt the ones we love.
But I couldn't stop reading, needing to know what will happen. I was captivated throughout this book and I can tell you it just gets better.
5-terrorfilled-heartbreaking-heartwretching-tearfilled-but hope still lives - stars for this amazing series.
If my nickname were Kaitou for Phantom Thief, hers would be Mokusatsu. Kill with Silence.