All That Glows (All That Glows, #1)

by Ryan Graudin

[jnikkir]

This review can also be found at my blog, There were books involved...

-----------------------------

This book promised me badass Faery guards, a bad-boy British prince, a battle against ancient evil, and a swoony romance. ...Well, I'm still waiting for that book, because this is most definitely not that book.

Let's break it down:

The Plot and Worldbuilding

The plot is mediocre, at best. Really, this book is a romance (and not a swoony one), that tries to add a little intrigue and tension by having Richard be the target of a very vague but apparently very threatening evil Faery. Except... I felt no tension in the plot. It took a long time to get any sort of information leading to an overarching plot-arc, and up to that point there were just random attacks on Richard. It was all over the place.

(Additionally, the 'plot' is all wrapped up via the longest Bwahaha-I've-won!-Now-let-me-tell-you-how-I-did-it! speech I've ever read. -_- Why is this still a thing?! The only place this is okay is in Scooby-Doo.)

The worldbuilding is basically nonexistent. It's set in London. Faeries are a thing. Apparently they guard the royal family because the royals' blood has magic in it or something. That's... pretty much it. Oh, and the faeries are all girls. All of them. Apparently they come into being by... actually, I have no idea, because this question is literally answered by Emrys saying something like, (to Richard) "Well, do you remember being born?" O_o Apparently faeries just appear out of thin air... Okay!

The Characters

I found Emrys to be extremely boring. This is unfortunate, as she also narrates the book. -_- You'd think, for a skilled Faery guard who was alive during King Arthur's time, who has lived for so long, she'd gain some kind of personality over the years. But apparently not. After having spent the entire book inside her head, the only things I remember her doing are: Protecting Richard from evil faeries (probably 10%), trying to resist her attraction to Richard (25%), and finally, pining after Richard and trying to decide whether to give up her Fae powers in order to be with him (60%). (I realize there's 5% missing - that's the last 5% of the book.)

Emrys struck me more as a lovesick teenager than any kind of cool faery guard (which is what I was expecting from the synopsis). Emrys's personality and "youngness" is hand-waved away by saying that, in Faery-years, she's apparently the human equivalent of a teenager, which... whatever. Experience is experience, and she's lived through a LOT. She's supposed to be one of the most powerful Faery guards, one of their most skilled fighters! I was not sold, at all.

As for Richard, I found him to be extremely boring, as well. He's flat, uninteresting, and has very little personality -- despite supposedly starting out as a partying bad-boy, and then becoming a regal, responsible king. In my opinion, neither of these aspects, nor the transition between them, were convincingly portrayed. Richard's flat personality does not lend itself to a "bad-boy" or "troublemaker" vibe. He actually struck me as a (very boring) sweetheart most of the time, which was just weird, considering how Emrys (and everyone) acted like he was this notorious bad boy (the blurb's words, not mine).

(Interesting note: Richard, as described in the official blurb, is both "Britain’s notorious, partying bad boy" and "sweet, disheveled, and alive with adventure". If that doesn't tell you something about awkward characterization -- that the synopsis couldn't even make up its mind...?)

The Relationship

I was really hoping that the love story in this book would make up for something... But there was nothing about Emrys and Richard's relationship that was remotely interesting or engaging. All I saw were vague, sweepingly romantic feelings that originated from... well, nowhere. Their relationship isn't even based on anything concrete. The first time they meet, there's this spark between them (you'd be right if you guessed that "spark" would be important later!), and they end up falling for each other. But don't ask me why.

I have no idea what she saw in Richard to make her even remotely consider him to be relationship-material, let alone make her fall in love with him. Throughout the book, they have zero chemistry, other than Emrys stating over and over how much Richard means to her. Richard "makes Emrys feel whole" (though we're never shown how), and she apparently "fills a void in Richard's life" too. But I didn't see any connection based on Emrys loving Richard for being himself, or Richard being drawn to Emrys's personality (or lack thereof).

The Writing

The writing... just... no. First, the book was narrated by Emrys, who we've already established I did not like. And boy oh boy, does Emrys love her similes and metaphors! She had more chemistry with those terrible similes than she had with Richard. XP No but really, there are similes and metaphors everywhere (a single page did not go by without one) and they did not make one bit of sense. "A terrible sound murders the sky"..?! (quote from ARC) Gahhhhhh.

 

In conclusion...

Just... nope. There was not a single thing I liked about this book. Why did I even finish it, you ask? Well, I made it to about 50% before I started to genuinely regret it, because I felt like maybe, maybe, the plot would kick in, and maybe some chemistry would appear, and maybe, please, God, let it get better.

No luck.

--

There were books involved...