If I Was Your Girl

by Meredith Russo

[Rach Wood]

TW: depression, suicide, bullying, sexual assault and rape.

After years of bullying and abuse, Amanda Hardy has move in with her father to start a new life at a new school. But, now that she can be herself, how much of her past should she tell her new friends? She wasn't always known as Amanda or even recognised as the beautiful girl everyone seems to love. Though secrets don't stay secret for long, it's hard to tell when a miscalculation can have consequences beyond some harmless gossip.

For the most part, Russo tells us Amanda's story after her transition is complete. But, as a cisgender person, I was especially moved by the several scenes from back when Amanda was still perceived as a biological boy. I cried a lot with the abuse she had to suffer and her certainty that no one, including her parents, would understand and love her if she told the truth. In the author's note to cisgender readers, Russo states that, in real life, Amanda probably wouldn't have had completed her transition by 18. Despite that, and although Amanda's story isn't reflective of every trans person's story, I think it's prime for trans teens to see what life could be.

I have never read a book with a trans person before, so I though it was not only informative but such a great story too. My review is, very likely, limited by my own experiences, which unfortunately not include actual face-to-face contact with a trans person. But I'm pretty sure Amanda is an incredible character; I love everything about her: she's brave, kind and funny.

There are plenty of other likeable characters, including her father, who is trying very hard to be accepting. Plus the girl gang, who was super supportive from the beginning to the end. But, if I'm being honest, although I enjoyed the group dinamic, now I can't even remember anything specific about them. There's one girl who's super religious, another one who's a lesbian but it's still inside the closet, and the third one is, well, someone.

I feel like the book is too short, with short chapters, which inevitably made the progression feel very fast without deepening certain scenes. I wanted something more from the plot, including a more developed romance. Personality-wise, the love interest felt flat. And then, there's the ending. It's not a traditional happily ever after but rather the promise of one, and I didn't like it. I wanted more closure, I guess.