The Astonishing Colour of After by Emily X.R. Pan

The Astonishing Colour of After

by Emily X.R. Pan

A New York Times bestseller.

'This brilliantly crafted novel portrays the vast spectrum of love and grief with heart-wrenching beauty and candor. A very special book' - JOHN GREEN, author of The Fault in Our Stars

Life, loss, love and art explode in a kaleidoscope of emotions as one girl must learn the truth about her family's past in order to bring peace to the present. For fans of John Green, Jennifer Niven, Jandy Nelson and Nicola Yoon.

Leigh Chen Sanders is sixteen when her mother dies by suicide, leaving only a scribbled note: 'I want you to remember'. Leigh doesn't know what it means, but when a red bird appears with a message, she finds herself travelling to Taiwan to meet her maternal grandparents for the first time.

Leigh is far away from home and far away from Axel, her best friend, who she stupidly kissed on the night her mother died - leaving her with a swell of guilt that she wasn't home, and a heavy heart, thinking she may have destroyed the one good thing left in her life.

Overwhelmed by grief, Leigh retreats into her art and into her memories, where colours collide and the rules of reality are broken. The only thing Leigh is certain about is that she must find out the truth. She must remember.

With lyrical prose and magical elements, Emily X.R. Pan's stunning debut novel alternates between past and present, romance and despair, as one girl attempts to find herself through family history, art, friendship, and love.

Reviewed by Sam@WLABB on

4 of 5 stars

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The Astonishing Color of After was a beautiful and painful portrait of those left behind when a family member takes their own life. It explores the pain and the loss suffered by Leigh, but also the complicated relationships that exist in families and the need for forgiveness and healing.

•Pro: First and foremost - this book was beautifully written. Pan's prose was vivid and gorgeous. She painted the characters' emotions with sweeping brushstrokes, and I was right there with them, fully immersed in their fear, joy, and pain.

•Pro: Magical realism is one of my favorite genres, and those magical elements were used so wonderfully in this story. The Smoke and Memories sequence was such a brilliant way to give the reader different points of view.

•Pro: Pan took us on an awesome trip to Taiwan. She showed us so many special sites, but my favorite thing was all the food. It was a virtual feast!

•Pro: I loved the way the story bounced back and forth from past to present, from happy to sad. It was interesting that Pan chose to explore Leigh's relationship with her best friend, Axel, in addition to those with her mother and father, but I think it was a good way to alleviate some of the sadness and inject some hope into this story.

•Pro: This was Leigh's healing journey, but it was also her journey of self discovery. She struggled with her ethnic identity, her belief in herself as an artist, her place in Axel's life, her inability to get all the answers, and her guilt over not being there for her mother. Pan did such an amazing job getting us inside Leigh's head and taking us along with her on this path to self discovery.

•Con: I think the book was a tad too long. It could have been edited down a little.

•Pro: Leigh learns a lot about her mother and all the family secrets. This insight opens her eyes and has her re-examining things with a new perspective. I really appreciated this growth, and also the awesome twist Pan threw in there.

•Pro: I thought the mental health part of the story was handled in a respectful and sensitive way. Pan addressed how everyone was affected by Leigh's mother's mental illness and her suicide, and it is important that it was approached in this stigma-free way.
Believing is a type of magic. It can make something true.

Overall: A gorgeously written tale, which took me on a magical journey from the throes of grief to a place of healing, understanding, self discovery, and finding beauty in the pain.

*ARC received in exchange for an honest review.

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Reading updates

  • Started reading
  • 10 March, 2018: Finished reading
  • 10 March, 2018: Reviewed