Originally published on my blog, August 7th 2013. Please consider popping by if you like this review!
I was completely taken by surprise with Killing Sarai, because even though I knew it was going to be dark, I wasn't expecting the level, the intensity, or the dangerous vibe to it. Killing Sarai is completely different than any NA books I've read so far, and very different from Redmerski's other works. There is really nothing that I can compare it to, even slightly.
If someone asked me to describe this book using one word, the one I'll chose will undoubtedly be....
Everything about this book is grey.
The world in which the characters live in lacks color and life, it's on the sidelines of society, hidden by shadows.
The characters themselves are not good or bad; they're a blend of right and wrong, of evil and good, and sometimes, even as a reader, I couldn't tell which side they were on. I don't think the characters themselves know.
And they're killers. But they only kill people who 'deserve' to die. Does that make them good, or bad? Am I even allowed to like these characters, when they're so... off the 'right' track? The lines get blurred with this book, and still you root for them, and you fall for them, and you want them to succeed and find their own happiness, even when you know that happiness can never be conventional or safe.
Sarai is broken beyond repair. She's spent the last nine years of her life - since the age of 14 - in the house of a drug-lord who fancied himself in love with her. Her every word, her every action, her every breath, is driven by survival. And she's quite the actress. But don't be fooled into expecting a shy, timid, scarred girl. She's ruined, all right, but that just makes her dangerous. Unstable. She's scarier than Victor, the cold-blooded assassin, because you don't know what to expect from her. She surprises herself constantly. It's like half the time, someone else--or something else-- is in possession of her body *shivers*
Victor is a killer, and has been for almost as long as he can remember. He meets Sarai - if you can call it 'meet' - when he comes to sign a deal with the drug-lord holding her. He does not plan to help her, at first. He plans to use her to further his own goals... but somewhere along the lines something changes, and he himself doesn't know why, when or how. At first, I thought he was a complete bastard. I was aggravated by his actions, and truly thought him emotionless. But he's not. He's learned to bury his emotions, to be numb to everything around him aside for his mission and his orders. He'd learned it so well, in fact, that even as readers we don't realize he has a soul at first. I'm pretty sure he's convinced himself he doesn't.
We had a few scenes from his POV throughout the book, but not nearly enough. I love being inside his head, and hope to see more of it in the next books.
This book, surprisingly enough, is not about them as a couple at all. Sure, throughout the book they grow closer, they come to mean something to the other. A very dysfunctional relationship, to be honest, but one that I am very much a fan of, especially because of how well Sarai can read Victor despite his poker face, and how well he knows her true self - possibly better than she does.
But this book is not about romance.
It's about the darker effects that occur when someone's life is victimized so badly and thoroughly.
It deals with the other end of the spectrum of victims - those who grow numb, those who find their path has turned into one of violence and blood. Those we never read of as heroes, because as a society, we don't view them as such.
I won't say they grow to victimize others themselves, because both Victor and Sarai still hold a sense of justice, but they can no longer be 'normal', and they crave the brutality that they've become accustomed to in their lives.
It's not exactly easy to read this book, because while it does deal with healing from something no one should ever be forced to go through, the healing is not done through love and romance like other NA books, at least, not completely, which was the truly surprising part of this story. It's done by finding a very bloody purpose, and with a bond formed by violence. And that's what made this book kind of exceptional.
Shit happens in this book. It's painfully honest about that. No one's fate is guaranteed, and you spend half the book wondering who's going to die next. Because you just know that in the reality they live in, all the bets are off. And something bad is bound to happen.
It took me a while to get used to Redmerski's writing style again. She has a unique manner of very clearly describing the way the characters move, so you can see them in your head as clear as if they're standing next to you, which I love, but I (personally) can't just step into her writing style easily after reading so many books with a different one; I have to adjust.
This book was a solid 4 star throughout most of the read. The last 20% of this were just epic. Easily 5 star material.
Lastly, I have to say a HUGE thanks to J.A herself for sending me a signed copy of this book when I told her how much I wanted to read the book but couldn't. J.A. won my heart with the Edge of Never, which is one of my favorite NA books, so getting signed copies from her nearly made me have a heart attack. The books got here just in time for my birthday, making it the best birthday ever!
So, thank you J.A for being such a thoughtful and amazing author toward your fans! 3
Originally published on my blog, August 7th 2013. Please consider popping by if you like this review!