It Sounded Better in My Head

by Nina Kenwood

[Kelly]

Natalie has been blindsided by her parents separation, despite them having slept in separate bedrooms for the past ten months. Vowing to remain friends and speaking in calming tones, it's just another aspect of Natalie's life she no longer has control over.

Growing up, Natalie didn't have it easy, each day her body rallied against her, leaving her self esteem in a shambles and her confidence battered and bruised. Her painful acne outbreaks, heavy periods and wanting the world to open and swallow her whole and although her skin these days is a little clearer and she has friends she can turn to in her hours of need, Natalie still sees herself as the lonely girl who was so desperately in need of a friend.

I can't even begin to tell you how refreshing it is to see a young adult protagonist who's real. Natalie is the every girl, often painfully shy, an introvert who chooses to stay home as often as possible. Growing up, Natalie's confidence was non existent, especially with her painful acne breakouts. She would try to disappear behind the curtain of her hair and not draw attention to herself, it was easier to become invisible than to have people talking about your bad skin. But still, they did. When you're lacking in confidence and self esteem, any self perceived flaw makes you a target. Bad skin, weight and in my case, horrifically frizzy hair and outbreaks. If Natalie can talk about it, I can certain lay bare.

Fifteen was a difficult age for me. This was before the age of hair straighteners, when we would literally lay our head down on our mother's ironing board and iron our hair straight. If I had great hair then people wouldn't look too closely at my face, which was horrifically acne prone. Like Natalie, I was on medication twice daily to control my outbreaks but once I turned sixteen, it magically disappeared. Spoiler, my hair is still frizzy. Anyone who says being a teen are the best years of your life? They're either lying or too old to remember. Your teen years are some of the most difficult.

Being a party person is completely overrated, just ask Natalie. She's content to hang with friends Lucy and Zach, both of who she met at a camp a few years ago. Natalie was the mutual friend until Zach and Lucy started hooking up, now they're in a relationship and although they include Natalie in most of their plans, it's a bit awkward when your two best friends are having sex and Natalie's sick of being the third wheel and wouldn't mind meeting her special someone. When Zach's super hot brother Alex and friend Owen invite Natalie to a party, her anxiety is sent into overdrive. Why are super hot people even talking to her, never mind inviting her to a party. It has to be a joke, right?

Oh the romance! Adorable. No doubt that Alex is hot but Natalie also assumes with his hotness comes arrogance and he's really quite a sweet boy who's just ridiculously good looking. He also thinks Natalie is beautiful. What I really liked about Alex was that he also allowed Natalie to set the parameters of their relationship and ensuring she was always comfortable. It was frustrating to see those around Natalie not so keen on their relationship, warning her that Alex would ultimately hurt her. Natalie seemingly felt as though they were insinuating that she was naive or Alex's interest would wander. Although their concerns came from a place of looking out for Natalie, it was disappointing that no one had faith in their ability to make it work.

Oh Natalie, I feel you. When you've been down on yourself for so long and watched enough eighties movies where the ordinary girl next door is invited on a date with the super hot random guy, it never ends well. If movies have taught me anything, we can't all be Drew Barrymore returning to high school, nabbing the hot unobtainable guy and the teacher. Especially as females, we convince ourselves that we're not worthy and when these moments of happiness present themselves, we're squinting and looking around for the asshole who's sniggering at our demise.

Natalie is the perfect example of pushing ourselves out of those pyjama wearing comfort zones, it's shit your pants scary but it's how we also grow as people. Through experiences. Natalie doesn't transform into the beautiful swan, she's beautiful as she is but she does start to realise her self worth and realise that not everyone is worthy of her. There's nothing sexier than a woman finding her confidence and Natalie is beginning to develop hers in spades.

It Sounded Better in My Head is a narrative that contains adolescent issues seldom mentioned in young adult literature, periods and the fear of bleeding through our underwear while in public, about polycystic ovary syndrome, painful acne, our confidence and worth. Even as adults, seeing a character like Natalie gracing our pages helps us to feel vindicated, that it's not just me who experienced this, Natalie is someone who understands the ache we carry through to our adult years, of our rattled confidence and the feeling of not being so alone.

I have never found a character more relatable than Natalie. She's you, she's the girl next door, she's your sister, your best friend. She's me. It's books like this that I needed as a teen, a friend, someone you can confide in. For the girl with breakouts and acne prone skin, the girl who made it through puberty with stretch marks, the girl who has no idea what to do with her pubic hair or the one who wears two pads and is still worried about a heavy period. Hands up who had at least one incident of bleeding through their pants in high school?

So embrace your weird bits because all women are beautiful. I've been there Natalie, hang in there girl.