How To Talk To A Widower (Bantam Discovery)

by Jonathan Tropper

[Michael @ Knowledge Lost]

“I had a wife. Her name was Hailey. Now she’s gone. And so am I.”

This one reoccurring line not only serves as a mantra for Doug Parker, it also sums up the essence of How to Talk to a Widower. A year ago Doug lost his with in a plane crash and he has been grieving ever since. The people around him tend to think that it is time for him to move on, he is only twenty-nine, and he still has a whole life ahead of him. For Doug, that is not the case, his wife is gone, and so is he. On the surface this novel feels like it has the makings of a bad sitcom, with a blend of humour and melodrama; however there is so much going on the under the surface worth exploring.

Essentially How to Talk to a Widower is a study into grief and the emotions behind losing someone close. However I feel like this novel explores the idea of holding onto grief. How long can we hold on? At some point the grief becomes a part of us and it not only controls us but it defines us. We can fall into an endless spiral without any hope of escape; it felt like Doug was trapped in this endless spiral at time but then we get these little glimpses of hope. Not sure if he is healing or it is just false hope.

Doug Parker is an interesting character; he is so flawed and there is something so genuine about him. Grief has defined him and he often uses it as an excuse for his self-destructive ways. Doug loves women, to an extent where it felt like he has an attraction to every woman he meets; they were all beautiful. “Sometimes you walk past a pretty girl on the street there’s something beyond beauty in her face, something warm and smart and inviting, and in the three seconds you have to look at her, you actually fall in love, and in those moments, you can actually know the taste of her kiss, the feel of her skin against yours, the sound of her laugh, how she’ll look at you and make you whole. And then she’s gone, and in the five seconds afterwards, you mourn her loss with more sadness than you’ll ever admit to.” While we know that Doug loves and misses his wife, Jonathan Tropper has the ability to strip his characters bare and expose every part for their personality.

When Doug lost his wife he was only 29; Hailey was eleven years older and had a teenage son from a previous family. Her son, Russ is suffering just as much as Doug; he feels he not only lost his mother but his stepfather has also abandoned him. He was shipped off to live with his father who is bad news. He acts up and does everything to get some attention. Like I’ve said before, this novel is so melodramatic but it is all bittersweet.

I love the complexity that is found in this novel, not just with Doug and Russ, but even Doug’s sister Claire and his family are all so complicated that reading the drama in this book is both enjoyable and often sad. Even the woman Doug starts sleeping comes with her own set of flaws and complexities. “She was smart and funny and vulnerable and just so goddamned beautiful, the kind of beautiful that was worth being shot down over.” She is such a mystery; I wanted to know what is her motivation? Why is she attracted to Doug? She is just a sexual output for the protagonist and there doesn’t seem to be any reason behind her motivation. This mystery is what I’m drawn to; I want to know more. I like how she is described as voluptuous and she seems to have an air about her I can’t help but want to explore.

Even though there is so much drama in the novel, there is humour that runs throughout How to Talk to a Widower. I can’t help but get a sense of irony from this novel. The title alone makes the book sound like a self-help book and then he is writing a column in M magazine with the same title. One suspects that the column is an advice column as well but it is just an output for his grief. The humour that is tangled up in the grief and melodrama really brought this novel together, like the glue that holds it all together.

Think of this novel like dick-lit (chick-lit from a male perspective), think of it as something the Nick Hornsby may write, however I think this was better. The drama was touching, intense and executed beautifully. All the relationship dilemmas, his off kilter family, and the grief all was balanced wonderfully in How to Talk to a Widower. I laughed, cried and wanted to reread read all the wonderful lines. I know this novel isn’t going to be for everyone but I’m so glad I read it. I will be reading more Jonathan Tropper’s books and I must check out Banshee, which he co-created with David Schickler (who wrote an amazing memoir).

This review originally appeared on my blog; http://literary-exploration.com/2014/06/07/how-to-talk-to-a-widower-by-jonathan-tropper/