**Spoiler warning**
If I could describe Thumped in three words it would be: Weak. Boring. Directionless.
I enjoyed Bumped. It wasn't perfect, but it was refreshing in this world of vampire/angel romances. It got back to the heart of dystopian, with no paranormal twists involved. Better yet, there was only one sequel - so I wouldn't even have to buy a third book to finish the series (trilogies are weirdly an "in" thing). So I got in my little car, drove myself to the little used bookstore, and bought myself a cheap copy of Thumped. I should've stayed in the car. Maybe that's a little too harsh. But picture me, immediately after finishing: I'm sitting on my bed, staring at my cat and asking myself what I gained from those 290 pages. Were the characters interesting? Not really. Well, was the plot exciting? Exact opposite. Surely it was well written?? I mean...
It's just how I feel. The whole point of reviewing books is so that
Melody, Melody, Melody. She could've been cut from the book entirely and it's rating would've gone up at least a half star. What does she do during the entire book? Oh yeah, she fakes being pregnant with twins. For 290 pages, that's really the most action she had going on. Sure she sat around a lot whining about Zen and Vidalia Onion or whatever her name was. She also played a pretty useless role in the raid on Goodside (speaking of, why...?). Harmony was okay. She did come across a genuinely confused pregnant teenager, but how she felt so betrayed by Jondoe and then forgave him without even an explanation was really hard to swallow. Maybe Thumped should've been written completely from her point of view.
Jondoe was a seriously weak excuse for man candy. He hangs out with Harmony once and now he can't live without her. I also couldn't tell whether he was faking the religious talk or if that was actually how he felt. Zen was all about a reproductive revolution until he figures out Melody likes him back. Ladies will ruin your career goals.
This book was really just a mishmash of a bunch of potential directions the plot could've developed in. Why pick one? Put them all in! By page 240 I found myself skimming descriptive paragraphs just to END IT ALREADY. Of course the ending was a perfectly tied bow, complete with curled edges and strategically placed tinsel. Not ready for motherhood? Pass off your kids on the couple your sister pretended to carry children for for nine months. Inconveniently married but in love with another? Don't worry, he's gay and you never consummated the marriage! In love with your vertically-challenged best friend? He'll have a growth spurt and suddenly become the hottest thing since Jondoe - and he'll save you a seat, right next to his virginity. Twin sister you spent the majority of the series apart from? BEST FRIENDS FOREVER!
Summary:
Not a fan of this one. Stagnant, confusing plot with transparent characters equals a bored reader. Bumped was a lot better. Good thing this series is over.