Keep Him Close

by Emily Koch

[Leah]

Having loved Emily Koch’s debut novel, If I Die Before I Wake, as soon as I heard about Keep Him Close, I pre-ordered myself a copy. I won’t lie, Keep Him Close is a vastly different read; and some will find Alice’s standoffish nature to be, well, standoffish. It took me longer than I’d like to get into Keep Him Close, but it actually turned out to be an incredibly fascinating read. With the tag-line, “One son lied. One son died,” you’re going to be intrigued, I was making up hypotheses the entire time I was reading the novel, convinced I had it all sussed out, as I am wont to do, and ending up being incorrect, as I am also wont to do.

I’m very much into the crime/thriller genre at the minute, I’ve shelved my love of romance for the time being, so I’m devouring all kinds of different thrillers. Keep Him Close wasn’t necessarily thrilling, it’s more of a slow-paced burn kind of book, without the fanfare of the Gone Girl’s of this world (although, I, personally think Gone Girl was over-rated anyway, and could recommend you ten better written thrillers). Keep Him Close centres around two women – Alice, and Indigo. Alice recently lost her son; and Indigo’s son was arrested for what happened to Alice’s son. So far, so simple. But all is not as it seems and when Alice and Indigo accidentally meet, Alice decides to try and figure out what exactly happened the night her son, Lou, died.

From the off, I couldn’t figure Alice out. She was cold. Calculated, almost. Too okay with everything going on around her – and while I understand everyone grieves differently, everyone reacts differently, it was genuinely disturbing to me that Alice never showed her emotions, almost as if she was (possibly) on the spectrum, or just merely incapable, I don’t know. I am too emotional as a human being, prone to showing my feelings almost too much, and it’s a criticism I get a lot; “you care too much, Leah”, people tell me as if that’s a bad thing. I disagree. So, also, I don’t judge Alice too harshly because she’s clearly on the opposite end of my spectrum, it’s how she copes. I cope with sarcasm, Alice copes with keeping all of her feelings bottled up inside. But, it made it hard to warm to Alice. Because I wanted to shake her, I wanted her to scream and get angry and cry and just REACT. It was really, really frustrating to me and I understood why her son, Benny, reacted the way he did with her, because it felt like she didn’t give a flying fuck, excuse my language.

Whereas, on the other hand, we had Indigo who was positively distraught at the idea of her son being in prison for the rest of his life – or at least the vast majority of it. She was desperate to show that Zane hadn’t done what he had confessed to. Even knowing he had confessed, she was still convinced there was more to it, and I appreciated that. Yes, she seemed a bit naive at times; and perhaps it’s wrong to criticise how emotional she was when I’ve just complained about how unemotional Alice was (ironic, Leah) but they were both polar opposites to each other so their reactions both seemed extreme, if that makes sense. It was a really, really fascinating balance, going from Alice’s cold, third-person perspective to Indigo’s more warm, more outwardly carding first-person perspective.

As I said earlier, it did take me a bit to get into the novel, but once I got into it, I had to unravel what had exactly happened that night in the car park. I had to have my answers, just as much as Indigo and Alice. I needed that clarity and that kept me reading until just shy of 1am. I genuinely didn’t think I’d finish this book, when I started it, I couldn’t click with Alice and it was making me angry and I don’t know if it was making me angry because I worry that if I have kids I would be just like Alice – that I would feel like I wasn’t a good enough mother to my kids, that they were maybe a mistake, etc; despite how outwardly emotional and loving I am, one of my greatest fears is that if I decide to have kids, what if I don’t love them? And Alice was like that big fear brought to life – judging the neighbourhood kids for being loud, which I do; having everything ordered and the way she likes it, which I kind of do, I’m nowhere near as spick and span and prim as Alice; and it felt like Alice was the sort of person I could become.

However, I persevered because of how much I loved Emily’s debut and I’m so, so glad I did, because I felt like I understood Alice a whole lot more once I had completed the novel. It all made sense to me. And even if I end up like Alice, that isn’t a bad thing, because she loved in her own way. And if I’m like Indigo, that’s also fantastic. The ying and yang to their personalities made for such a fascinating read. Almost as if the plot itself – Alice’s sons death – was secondary to Indigo and Alice meeting each other, and sorting through their own issues. Emily Koch is genuinely one of those authors who can en-capture you with her words.

I really, really enjoyed Keep Him Close. I genuinely don’t know how I’d categorise this book, as it wasn’t a normal thriller, or edge of your seat, but it was absolutely fascinating. I learned a lot about myself – and the characters – in the process, and I’m actually really glad I didn’t throw in the towel as I would have missed an amazing book. It is very rare a book can keep me up until 1am, so Emily Koch is clearly doing something right and I will most definitely be keeping my eyes out for whatever she releases next because she is a fantastic, nuanced writer and Keep Him Close was a winner.