How To Marry A Millionaire Vampire by Kerrelyn Sparks

How To Marry A Millionaire Vampire (Love at Stake, #1)

by Kerrelyn Sparks

Kerrelyn Sparks introduces readers to a demon world that is curiously parallel to the human world. There are vampire cable channels that feature talks shows, soap operas and celebrity magazine called "Live! With the Undead". But as a human female crosses boundaries into this new reality, the results can be dangerous and hilarious...

Reviewed by nitzan_schwarz on

2 of 5 stars

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I have a lot of complaints of this book, so let's start with what I like; the tittle, Roman, Ian, Connor and... yeah, that's about it.

Perhaps, because I love the tittle of this book so much, I expected too much of it.
Either way, I didn’t love it. I can't even say I liked it. It wasn't like I suffered reading through it, I just kept thinking bad things while reading it, kept pausing and thinking "what?" and just generally wasn't satisfied or happy with this book.
It also took me longer than normally to read, and I found it way too easy to wonder off on to Facebook or some other thing while reading it, which a good read never allows me. I'm not even a Facebook addict! (who needs a Face book when you've got a real book, eh?)
The beginning was, for me, really creepy, what with the sex toy thingy and the guys' reaction to it. I mean – seriously? What the heck… You needed him to break a teeth, fine – but find a better way to do it… It wasn't very interesting, as well, just a bit disturbing.
But, okay. It got us to Shanna. Hooray - some action that didn't involve sex toys! There were, however, Russians, vampires, guns and fainting involved.
So now, Roman met Shanna, saved her life and realized she was strong willed enough to fight his mind control, which he found fascinating. So far, good. Then it all went down the hill because their love manifested way too fast for my tastes.
I mean, I’m all for attraction at first sight, but I believe love must be built on this attraction, with them getting to know one another and developing feelings for each other. All those books in which one has one love meant for him, and he knows it and instantly falls for her always seems to me like a good way for authors to avoid the whole subject of establishing a couple's love.
It’s like:
Author's Friend: So, that's your idea for the next book? Sounds good! How're you going to show the process of them falling in love?
Author: Haha, silly! I don't even need to bother with this shit!
Friend: ~confused~ Why not?
Author: Because they're soul mates, stupid! They were meant for each other! God's gift for one another!
Friend: Um... That's sounds great and all, but... aren't they angry with each other awfully often? And aren't 2 days too soon to fall in love? Especially if the guy is dead in the day? And they seem awfully distrusting of each other, for a couple so in love... And if I recall correctly, you just told me your hero thinks he doesn't deserve happiness, has no intention to be with anyone, much less a mortal and--
Author:~Cuts her off~ why are you making this so complicated? There is nothing to question here - they're soul mates. It's a done deal. They don't even need to know each other deeply - they know in their hearts they are meant to be together!
Friend: Uhh, but--
Author: Do you want the chocolate ice cream, or the vanilla?
Friend: Wait, we were talking about--
Author: The lemon sounds good too
Friend: But--
Author: Maybe the strawberry?
Friend: ... This conversation is over, isn't it?
Author: Yep! Strawberry it is!
THE END

So, yeah - I don’t like that. I like watching how a couple becomes a couple, how they find the little things about them that makes them fall for one another. I like to watch the progression, or be there to see the every detail of the fall. I like to see the story establish why those two must be together. I can sometimes ignore the lack of this, if the book’s good enough, but this wasn’t.
Roman threw away everything for her much to quickly, decided she was the one twice as fast and basically contradicted all who he was in the last 500 years in a mere second.
Shanna fell almost as instantly for the guy, even though half the time she tries to escape him. I mean, she actually feels more strongly about it when she thinks he died than what she felt when Karen, her best friend for years, had been killed. And she met him maybe a week earlier, tops!
Not only that, but when does she decide to go and show him she loves him? (physically, too, if you get what I mean) - when there are people dying and hurt upstairs and the police is crawling about! And it takes her, what, a week to decide to marry him? really?... I mean, I knew this ought to end with a marriage, what with the title of the book being "How to Marry a Millionaire Vampire", but I didn't think it'd take a damn week!
Yeah, I felt like they needed to base their love more. It didn't manage to draw me in, feel it or anything. It was kind of empty, for me. Couldn't create any emotional connection, not like I did, say... in the series Alpha and Omega, which takes about Werewolves (another supernatural existence).
And when you think of Shanna and Roman's love - it can only end badly! She doesn't want to be a vampire, so she'll die. We all know, that as strongly as the book says he feels for her, he won't last long after she gone. It's like Edward thinks Bella is dead all other again! It was annoying then (even though I like Twilight) and it'll be annoying now... ~sigh~

Also, there are a lot of blushing in this book. From everyone. but mostly the boys. Highlander boys. I don’t know if it’s just because all those Highlander books I’ve read (I do like me a kilted man), but they never blush. Even if they do, it’s rare – not something that happens every few minutes to the slightest teasing or an innocent question from a girl. Again, this might be just the influence of former books I’ve read, but it was odd for me to read, at times. Really adorable at first, but then as they kept doing it… ~shrug~.

The tone of this book was confusing, as well. Characters that talked in a very old manner (like the highlanders) suddenly said “Man”, serious and formal characters suddenly sputtered “Screw you”, and I’d be fine with all that because one can learn slang in the 500 years of his exsistance, but they just did it so randomally, and not often at all, it seemed to come out of nowhere and be completely unrelated! It sounded off to read.
Then there was the whole way this book was written – the tone was one minute very modern, the next more formal and slightly older. It was like the author just couldn’t decide! I love both modern and older way of writing, but I rather one book will stick to one of these two, and not both. It was distracting.

I don’t get this story’s vampires, either – they’re essentially alive at night, but they can’t have children? Even though the can reach satisfaction? How does that work? Why is that the only part dead?
Not only that, they say vampires have such sharp hearing senses on one part, but how that possibly be if they are standing in the same room two inches away from Roman, and can’t hear over the phone where the dual will be held? Shanna’s father could hear their reaction through the bugged phone of Roman’s enemy, but a horde of vampires can’t hear what’s on the other side? Questionable.

I disliked the ending - it's somewhat rushed, resolved way too easily and I didn’t get why they had to push the stupid father into all this. He’s more monstrous in my eyes than the Roman, no doubt. “He’ll get used to you”… Yeah, he just swore to kill them all – but give it time, it will work. Stupid, actually. and for a character that came so suddenly out of no where, they gave up WAY too easily!
And the whole thing with the silver... I was stupid in my opinion. A sign good forgave him- give me a break! So, what, God was actually angry with tortured Roman all this time? And what about the fact the Russians were allergic to silver, as well as all the vampires? you want to tell me all that is cause God is angry with them or something? And then, suddenly - *poof*, they're immune? I just don't buy it!

Conclusion: I thought I'd enjoy this book. It wasn't torture to read, but I have mostly complaints. I will try to read the next book, then see if this series worth following.

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Reading updates

  • Started reading
  • 21 August, 2012: Finished reading
  • 21 August, 2012: Reviewed