This Is How It Always Is by Laurie Frankel

This Is How It Always Is

by Laurie Frankel

"This is how a family keeps a secret...and how that secret ends up keeping them. This is how a family lives happily ever after...until happily ever after becomes complicated. This is how children change...and then change the world. When Rosie and Penn and their four boys welcome the newest member of their family, no one is surprised it's another baby boy. At least their large, loving, chaotic family knows what to expect. But Claude is not like his brothers. One day he puts on a dress and refuses to take it off. He wants to bring a purse to kindergarten. He wants hair long enough to sit on. When he grows up, Claude says, he wants to be a girl. Rosie and Penn aren't panicked at first. Kids go through phases, after all, and make-believe is fun. But soon the entire family is keeping Claude's secret. Until one day it explodes. This Is How It Always Is is a novel about revelations, transformations, fairy tales, and family. And it's about the ways this is how it always is: Change is always hard and miraculous and hard again; parenting is always a leap into the unknown with crossed fingers and full hearts; children grow but not always according to plan. And families with secrets don't get to keep them forever"--

Reviewed by Leigha on

3 of 5 stars

Share
A family must come to terms with gender dysphoria in this adult literary fiction novel.

If you’ve been reading my reviews for a while, you’ll notice this is not my typical reading fare – it’s my book club pick this month. Literary fiction tends to be too saccharine for my tastes, and this book is no exception. It takes an intimate look at gender dysphoria through the lens of one family. On one hand, the discussion about gender – what makes a boy a boy and a girl a girl – is interesting. So much of gender is constructed by society. Engaging with that commentary is bold and rarely done well. This book does a decent job showing various elements of the issue, including stepping back to broaden the lens beyond Western society. This book would be enjoyable for those of you looking for a close look at gender.

On the other hand, I found the characters to not feel very realistic. I had the hardest time connecting to the parents, Rosie and Pen. While I appreciated their thoughtful consideration of gender dysphoria, I found the rest of their characterization to be problematic. It felt like they ignored the rest of their four children. I get Claude/Poppy had special circumstances, but it’s not healthy to devote all your time and attention to just one kid. And how in the hell did a seven person family have the funds to move to Seattle? I don’t care that Rosie is a doctor. Seattle is expensive. Additionally, the audiobook narrator never fully hooked me. The narrator wasn’t bad, per se, just didn’t bring the characters to life.

tl;dr While an interesting look at gender identity, I found the characters to be unbelievable and the story to be too saccharine.

Last modified on

Reading updates

  • Started reading
  • 28 October, 2018: Finished reading
  • 28 October, 2018: Reviewed